BAZELLA W RIZ

Farewell

2010-08-07T16:36:00.000+03:00

To all of our followers RSS subscribers and readers, we sadly inform you that we will no longer be updating this blog. We want to thank all of you for making the year we spent here wonderful and interesting, we had some good times together. We will be keeping the blog online out of sentimentality. Neither me nor Yasmina have any other online projects at the moment, but in case we do we'll be sure to update you. They say all good things must come to an end, that also applies to bad things, and mediocre things, all things in general really, so goodbye and good luck.

Passive Agressive compliments

2010-07-26T15:59:00.005+03:00

Those stripes almost make it seem like you're not fat anymore... almost.

That blue shirt really distracts from your horrible face acne

Nice going with that bracelet, I can barely see the horrible scarring on your wrists

Maybe it's the make-up or something but I don't want to kick you in the face today

Keep it up mom.

Vault:

One Line Movie Review: Up

2010-07-24T15:20:00.000+03:00

Man's wife dies setting him free to go on an amazing adventure. The end.

What is the half life of Uranium?

2010-07-19T15:05:00.000+03:00

Nostalgia

2010-07-17T14:25:00.000+03:00

Back in the 1990's when the X-Files had more sexual tension than a gender segregated rabbit farm one T.V. show stood out from among a crowd of crappy laugh track comedies, "The Adventures of Brisco County Junior"

With his well chiselled face and tacky one-liners, and his partner/nemesis Brisco and Bowler go out ~~raping and pillaging the shit out of the wild west~~ being chivalrous.

I'm not sure what jogged my memory about this, Brisco was the best TV role model I ever had.

Here is to you Brisco county junior.

Vault:

Brisco County Junior? Come on!

Dixie: "Look, I want no part of this. I'm not against parenthood as an institution, but I'm not ready to be institutionalized."

Thnakes on a plane

2010-07-15T00:03:00.001+03:00

L walks into the living room and notices his brother watching the TV.

L: Oh hey, I didn't know Samuel L Jackson was in a parody of Snakes on a plane
B: (Eyes dead set on the screen) This isn't a parody... this is the actual movie
L: (Taking a seat eyes glued to the screen) What the fuuuu...

15 minutes later
L: uuuu

30 minutes later
L: uuuuuu

1.5 hours later
L: uuuuuuuck

L: That was terrible yet strangely hypnotic.
B: Indeed, let us hold hands and skip gayly into the sunset brotherino.
L: Heydidlydokle

Tralalalalalalaa

The end.

Vault:

Bad habits

2010-07-13T13:08:00.000+03:00

When I was a wee lad of the age of 5-10ish I used to have a nasty habit of sucking my index finger while plucking and sniffing pieces of wool from a blanket I used to cover myself with.

Now as you can imagine it was quite a concern for my parents (though I do not quite know why) and they wanted me to stop, initially they tried painting my finger with some bad tasting unguent but I kept sucking on, next they took away my blanket but I just kept sucking on, it seemed nothing they did really worked... until one day my mother came up with the genius idea of telling me that if I kept sucking at this rate the little knob on my finger will roll all the way round to the bottom and I will be unable to move it for the rest of my life.

Fuck I thought, maybe it is time to stop sucking, and just like that I stopped. To this day I do not know if that story was a lie or not, and I am still terrified of sucking my finger. Judging from the looks of These people It's probably best that I stopped. *shudders*

Parental lies are a common tool for telling your children what's good for them but at what cost ? For example today I know that my grandfather did not discover boiled potatoes, that finishing my plate wont help starving kids (it'll make it worse by driving up demand), that a witch doesn't live in mansourieh where my Mom can leave us if we aren't good, that a honeymoon does not actually take place on the moon... I can only wonder how many other things I think I know are true but are not, to be sure it did give ample opportunity for the other kids to make fun of me on the playground.

Vault:

sweet sassy molassy

2010-07-08T10:09:00.000+03:00

It turns out the teenagers of the world were right, unmade beds are better!

In an article published about a week ago "researchers" discovered that leaving your bed unmade would kill off dust mites and leave you healthier. It was also found that an untidy bed decreased your chances of being called a douche and raised the probability that you would get laid.

When asked for comment the 20 year old scientists said "Far out man, like this is going to change the whole power relationship bra" Experts expect that this small chink in the armor of parental authority, long suffering from the vagaries of self help books and Dr. Phil, may be what ultimately brings down parenting as we know it.

Carol (not her real name) a mother of three voiced her concern that all these studies are jeopardizing her hold over her children "first the beds, next it'll be the toilet seats, before you know it we'll be lucky if they pick up their toys and get potty trained!"

Already several revolutionary groups have formed and dismantled in their parent's basements at the time of publishing. While no official statement has been made yet, we have been informed that possible names for these groups may be "chad's group" "The fart rockets" "dick cock vagina" and "The most awesome group ever".

Sunday's get together

2010-07-05T11:14:00.000+03:00

Thank you everyone who helped make yesterday a super fun night. It was a pleasure meeting all of you and I hope we can get together again sometime soon.

Below are some pictures from yesterday:

First we had some cake.

Yasmina wasn't impressed with my choice

Things didn't go so well

We I played some Frisbee and everyone went home

Happy Anniversary

Blog's Birthday

2010-07-04T10:25:00.002+03:00

*******Update*******

We'll be there from 7 to 9pm and it's ONE SHOT Per sentient entity.

*******Update end******

Hey everyone!

We will be having a celebration for our one year anniversary on July 4th at Kayan in Jemmayzeh. Drop on by on Sunday night and we'll buy you a shot.

Tell the bartenders "Bazellawriz" and they will give you the shot of your choice.

See you there.

P.S: Look for us in the giant green pea costumes :D

Who's plucking a banjo over here?

2010-07-01T20:44:00.001+03:00

Here is something I want to know. How in the fuck do we keep getting more followers?

I swear all I do in this place is throw insults and think of new ways to mix fuck with other words in the English language.

I love you guys, each and every one of you.

Also this from the vault today:

This came from here

Advertising. What is the meaning of cool?

2010-06-30T23:35:00.000+03:00

A lot of times these advertising agencies use words like cool or hot or I guess any word pertaining to a measure of temperature or temperament. I feel like the gap between the people receiving advertising and the advertisers is never going to be covered in Lebanon. Cool doesn't really describe something that is appealing and attractive any more, sparkly shining diamonds isn't much better (I'm looking at you mix fm)

An example of good advertising is the recent Oldspice manmercials.

You know what I did after I saw these bad babies, I went out and got some damn old-spice. Mother-fucking old-spice! the brand I used to think only my grandfather and scary cat ladies used.

Turns out it's average, just as good or bad as any other product out there trying to fill that market, but goddamn if they keep churning ads like that I'm going to keep buying their shit.

I'm on a horse.

Vault: Real Advertising:

The 5 things that will kill you this summer

2010-06-21T23:03:00.000+03:00

Since summer ended last year sometime in September 2009, the Lebanese waters have been host to a number of ghastly disasters. While tourists are looking out for armed gunmen and killer traffic, the real danger is where they least expect it, in the waters surrounding them. (Dun Dun Duuuuuun)

I'm not talking about the fact that we dump our waste (shit) a few meters from where we swim or that the sea is more part old sandals and diapers than it is water, or even the fact that the local slaughterhouses all throw their refuse right off the Dbaye port, (What the fuck is wrong with this country)

No I'm talking about these other non-routine things :

Dead Cows

moo

Sometime in December 2009 as you were sitting all snug and shit with your family enjoying a warm crackling fire, the choppy waters off the coast of Tripoli claimed over 30,000 heads of livestock and some of the crew members to the depth of the sea. While the nutritious value of the Lebanese water is now 5 times more than a big-mac, the fact that those cows were left to rot on the ocean floor should give everyone reason to pause before they dive headlong into the red waters of the Mediterranean.

Death!

Along with the sharks that all of that bovine meat has attracted, the coastal waters are now squirming with prions waiting to give you mad cow disease with every drop of water you accidentally swallow.

Oil

The United States isn't the only country dealing with oil spill related problems. You see the ship that capsized above, it brought in a whole lot of fuel and oil down with it. In fact so much oil is present in the Lebanese waters some experts are now saying that you don't need cooking oil to get a nice tan, just take a dip in the water. Add to the ship a number of boating accidents, and the plane crash and you get a nice broth of oily liquid to paste your skin with.

experts

Dead People

I didn't have the heart to put up dead people, here are some playful pups

Speaking of plane crashes, did anyone wonder what happened to all those lost bodies from the air ethiopia plane crash? No they did not magically vaporize, they are slowly being digested in the sea. But with all the cows and sheep the bacteria has more than its fill of corpses to eat away at, so don't be surprised if you come across a floating arm while you're breast stroking in the waters.

Garbage Mountain

What happens in Garbage mountain Stays in Garbage mountain

On the crystal blue sandy coastline of Southern Lebanon lies a large mountain rising from the landscape. Welcome to the Saida Garbage Mountain. In the winter months the mountain has repeatedly discharged significant amounts of trash into the sea. So much so that Lebanese trash has now reached the shores of Turkey and Italy and they are at their wits ends as to how to stop the second highest Lebanese export!

The blood of innocent Children
I think this one is self explanatory.

Vault:

Oh Italy

Gather round children

2010-06-17T14:49:00.001+03:00

We have some important news.

You may have noticed that posts over here have come to a grindingly slow pace in the past month, and we are aware that our one year anniversary is also coming up on the 4th of July! (We hear that they are preparing quite the celebration for us in America). As a result we have come together and decided to put some effort to resume some form of frequent posting.

In fact I have decided to go on a life-changing regimen that should grant me superpowers within the next few weeks.

As you see above in the image with a needlessly large white space at the bottom, I mean business. Though admittedly the fact that I have already failed 70% of the items on the list as I am writing this post does not bode well.

I will do it!

Inspiration for this came from a sketch by stand up comedian Demitri Martin feel free to adopt your own system as you see fit. And now I leave you to finish reading a book and my celebratory bottle of wine for every book I finish reading.

Vault:

Haikus

2010-06-09T17:42:00.000+03:00

Woke up this morning and these were lying there in my head

Haiku: FUCK

Outside my bedroom
A construction site starts
it is 6 A.M.

Haiku: Lunch

met french-man today
tasted like cheese and pine nuts
Ah! that hit the spot

Byron I am not.

Vault:

I don't know who drew or created the text for this, but they are a far superior being than I.

One Line Movie Review: 300

2010-05-20T15:41:00.000+03:00

The Persian Empire kills 299 Spartan soldiers creating a footnote in history. The End.

Summer is here

2010-05-18T13:15:00.000+03:00

No one ever told me that 22 would be the new 14. I mean what the hell body. I feel like a burning mass of sexual desire, and it doesn't help that wherever I look there are short short clad girls with tight spaghetti string tank tops!

You've been on question one for 30 minutes!

It was only a year ago when I used to walk with my head down diligently hoping that no one would take note of my existence before I reached my car.

Why is my car buried in sand?

Recently I just can't stop staring! Now I know how annoying it can be to get stared down at by every guy you walk past on the street. I mean what kind of world do we live in when you can't wear your short skirt and fishnet top without getting eye fucked every few minutes.

The fuck y'all lookin at?

Unfortunately we can't all go around pistol whipping people like Sean Connery. Clearly the solution to this problem is to make Lebanese women less attractive. And here I am today to bring you the solution from a man's perspective. I present you with the ugly walk.

See that green thing in the top right corner, that's not it

The next time you find yourself being stared at for being attractive quickly slouch, change your posture, widen your strides, bend your knees and make grunting noises. Hey Presto! I guarantee that you won't get a single guy looking in your direction, maybe forever!

Damn you Lukewarm!

Alternatively you may also want to try the gain 20 kilo approach.

Vault:

Irony is

2010-05-13T23:55:00.000+03:00

Starbucks running out of coffee. Apparently the factory in Kuwait belonging to Al Shaye3 the famous Kuwaiti mogul who owns everything from H&M to tasty diapers burnt down to the ground. Being someone who does not drink coffee I was not affected by this development and enjoyed my crispy caramel fappucino with the side of guilt and blood on my hands of Columbian orphans. but I can't help but feel that the business of a coffee store that doesn't have coffee won't but be affected by this turn of events. It's weird that this wasn't featureed in any of the news services.

Is this the work of Israeli boycott activists? probably not, they are too busy holding up signs and protesting in the streets in 5 day old unwashed hemp bags.

Maybe they should try sitting there

That is all.

Vault:

Oh God! Look at those thick framed glasses.

Lukewarm Donates blood

2010-05-11T17:40:00.000+03:00

L walks into a bustling room and yells "who wants some blood!"

The clamouring masses throng around the half-god half-awesome mortal. "Now now, only one of you can have a part of me *cough*penis*cough* inside them, I guess you guys will just have to fight for it."

Out of nowhere a man brings a gilded chair for me to sit on as I watch the game com-

"Mr Warm! ... Mr Warm! ... It's your turn now"

"huh, what?" I look up and there silhouetted in light is a slightly disgusted nurse prodding me with her foot "damn that is some good water you serve at this facility" I yell in a voice that is needlessly loud.

"umm, That's thinner you're drinking, and you're currently in the janitors closet"

"So I am" I say stoically as I shield my eyes from the bright sterile lights outside.

Pure Magic

I stumble my way into a white room filled with black patio chairs.

"Alright Mr Warm" Said the Nurse " We just have to ask you a few questions"
"bring it on Nurse babycakes"
Sighing she pulls out a checklist
"So you are O+ is that right"
" It took jimmy and me half an hour to figure out how to do those blood tests and goshdarn if I wasn't O+ 60% of the time"
"60%"
"Ah yes you know if you can't trust your local drug dealer who can you trust? Ey" I say as I poke the guy sitting in the chair next to me with my elbow "Am I right or am I right?"

"Sir that is a doll the interns practice on"

"So it is" I say stoically, "Damn that's some good thinner"

I'm so fucked right now

"Alright Mr. Warm, If we didn't need blood so bad, I would have thrown you out 5 minutes ago, lets just get this over with"

"Do you regularly use needles that put you in a risk of contracting HIV"
"No"
"Have you recently paid for sex"
"I tried but they don't accept splashmountain coupons"
"Did you recently come in sexual contact with anyone who may have HIV"
"does my hand count"

Though admittedly I do use protection

" Mr Warm If you don't take this seriously we will have no choice but to-"
"Listen nurse baby cakes, your gown is making me so hot right now I may just need to marry you"
"Dude! I'm a balding middle aged man"
"Love knows no bounds nurse baby cakes" I grab for her trying to sweep her off her feet, she is surprisingly heavy in the process I hit my head on a wall.

I wake up later lying on a black couch with my arm hurting like hell. I see a strangely familiar ugly dude walking up to me.
"I see you're finally up, we took advantage of your situation and withdrew your blood while you were out"
"Where is nurse baby cakes" I ask puzzled
"I am nurse baby cakes" he sighs resignedly
Looking him over "So you are" I say stoically "Damn that's some good thinner"
I pick at the plaster pasted on my arm "I must commend you on that fine figure you have sir"

"Normally I wouldn't do this, but you just saved this guys life" He said "His daughter asked if she could meet you, follow me please"

Feeling lightheaded I follow nurse baby cakes to a small room where an aging man is lying in a bed and his daughter is sitting next to him.

" I want to thank you" The woman says in a tired voice "it is because of kindhearted people like you-"

"Alright old dude," I cut her off and lean over the man in the bed "here is the deal I now own 1/8th of your body, and therefore 1/8th of all profits you make from now till you die will be mine"

The old guy makes some inaudible moaning "also I must warn you of some side-effect of having my blood in your body, don't be surprised if it spends most of its time in your penis giving you raging boners"

Ever since that damn blood transfusion!

At this point a horrified nurse babycakes is catching the fainting daughter, I take advantage of this to seal the deal. "put it there partner" I spit in my hand and give him a long hard handshake breaking some of his fingers so he knows I am no pushover.

Life is good.

Vault:

Dark Days have come

2010-05-11T02:41:00.001+03:00

Dear Denizens of the Lebanese internet. I am interrupting the regular transmission of Bazella W Riz to bring to you some very sad and deeply disturbing news... The Boobies are gone.

Located between the Dawra and Jal El Dib bridges adjacent to the McDonalds, the boobies which were the highlight of my daily commute to and from work have been destroyed. Beirut Drive By-Shooting reports:

The Horror!

Who could have perpetrated such an act?

Who could have taken the boobies from us?

I am beyond words at this point and my thoughts go out to all the boobie-less commuters in the coming days.

Three Suspects are under suspicion for this crime.

1. Radical feminists:

2. Radical Religious Fanatics

Oh yes, I went there.

3. Radical Seagulls

Mother-fucking Sea-gulls

The dark hands of intolerance to awesome boobage have struck again. We shall remember this day with a commemorative mural and a quote from the founding fathers. May your days see better boobies.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and Boobies.

You are all under abreast! YEAAAHHH!

Habibi

2010-05-05T16:21:00.008+03:00

I'm always weirded out when Lebanese people who I hardly know call me Habibi. I mean it's ok when your grandmother calls you Habibi, but when the clerk at the store you bought chocolate from thanks you using this loving appellation it can get kind of awkward.

Take for example this sweet old lady sitting in her dimly lit shop, You pay her for your purchase and she replies "merci habibi"

Or some guy on a mobilette on the intersection "Yalla Habibi!"

Or the guy who jacked your car and your meeting in bekaa "Habibna!" (plural?)

Or the bank teller telling you its your turn "tfaddal Habibi"

A caveat of the Habibi rule is that it is NOT OK to kiss an attractive woman just because she calls you her lover. Good thing sexual harassment laws haven't come far in this country.

Vault:

What your email carrier says about you

2010-05-03T10:55:00.003+03:00

What your email carrier says about you:

You created this account sometime in the early 1990's and have been using it since then. In your inbox you have forwards from your grandmother lying right next to porn site subscriptions you made all too hastily in your youth and now have no idea how to get rid of. You are too attached to your first e-mail address which all your friends know you by to risk changing to anything else, although in retrospect hammer_dick347 may have been one of the worse decisions you made over the years.

In 1995 you were the shit, you were a cutting edge hipster donning air-jordans watching MTV and shoving younger kids into trash cans in your free time. Today you still live under the impression that nothing has changed, but just like those tattered air-jordans, your life smacks of a nostalgic simpler age, when you used to be cool and people respected you.

Gmail:
You are up to current internet trends and feel smug about it. Carry on

Hello Grandma! I see your computer is back from the shop. I hope you are enjoying your windows 95 Internet Explorer 6 enhanced experience. It's only a matter of minutes before another virus takes you offline for the next 6 months. It's been nice chatting to you.

You are a vegetable.

Vault:

Welcome to Vero Moda previously known as Hamra

2010-04-28T13:33:00.000+03:00

Vault:

Bazella W riz Research

2010-04-27T13:20:00.000+03:00

We wanted to know how many people pull their underwear and pants all the way down to their ankles when they go to the bathroom. We decided to apply some science to get some answers!

mmmm, science

We hit up Hamra street to survey people's bathroom going attitudes. We took a videocam but sadly someone confiscated our footage. Something about public exposure and indecency. What follows is a transcript of events.

BWR: Ma'm do you pull your pants all the way to your ankles when you pee?
Lady 1: What the fuck! Get out of the dressing room.
BWR: (while being dragged out) By the way, that dress makes your ass look fat.

BWR: Do you pull your pants to your ankles when you pee!
Kid 1: I'm a baby I don't even wear pants. lol.

BWR: Miss do you pull your underwear to your ankles when you pee
Lady 2: I'm not wearing any panties ;)
BWR: I... right.

BWR: Sir we are conducting important research on Lebanese bathroom habits would you care to participate.
Dude 1: Would you mind talking to someone else, I'm kinda in the middle of something.
BWR: Excellent, the question is do you pull your underwear and pants all the way to your ankles when in the bathroom?
Dude 1: I, what? Listen I really can't talk right now. Can't you see I'm trying to direct traffic here.
BWR: It's just one question
Dude 1: You little fuckers, stop that! give me back my hat!
BWR: It's for SCIENCE! the fate of our future is in your hands.
Dude 1: Fuck, fine I pull them all the way down.
BWR: That is disgusting, how can you live with yourself! (Yelling) Hey everyone, this guy here wipes his underwear on the floor when he pees!
And that was when we lost the camera.

Vault:

See you Sunday the 25th

2010-04-20T16:30:00.001+03:00

Would you look at this shit. That's some secularism right there. Brought to you all the way from the enlightenment.

I expect all readers of this blog to attend. I will be there at Ain El Mraisseh and I look forward to rubbing up against all of you, especially if you're hot. This isn't about showing anyone anything (unless it's your tits in my face) this is about representin.

This isn't chocolate!

2010-04-11T17:49:00.001+03:00

Are you suffering from excess weight? Do your co-workers call you fatty mcgee behind your back? Do children poke you with a stick and run away laughing? Have you been recently mistaken for a member of the opposite sex?

What the Shit!

Then you my friend need to lose some weight!

I know it's hard to face yourself at the moment, you can barely move that flab you call a body to the phone to order your favourite triple whopper with fried bacon cheese, but there is hope for you yet fatass.

Imagine if you will a world where you can eat anything you like, where butter flows like water, and no matter how much you stuff your overweight face you retain a perfect six pack figure.

Well Imagine no more!

The diet centre in Lebanon has just what you need you overweight potato sack. Products made with Olestra butter. Olestra looks like fat, smells like fat, and even tastes like fat, but your body can't digest it! Yes even you you fat bastard.

You can cook all your favourites. fat grilled pork, fried fat doughnuts , and deep fat fried fat with maple syrup! And all of this without gaining any calories! In fact Olestra's 8 polymer structure means that not only does your body reject it but that it binds to existing fat molecules and drags them through your intestines, just like a Nickelback song.

Let's take a look at some reviews from satisfied customers:

Sarah: I'll never be the same again.
Shakib: It left skidmarks on my underwear!
Stephanie: So painful.
George: I spent a week on the toilet because my ass was leaking!
Rabih: Oh God! HINNNN FURRRR! AGHHGHHHHH!

Olestra is so slippery your body can hardly keep it inside, this may cause some unfortunate side effects, but what is dignity in exchange for weight loss? Give us a break, you have no dignity, we saw you eating that sticky caramel popcorn from the seat in the cinema, dignity is a concept you don't have fatty!

Vault:

I have nothing against the diet center, just thought their advertising was stupid.

A tink-a-tink tink

2010-04-09T22:05:00.006+03:00

I came across the blog of this really cool guy called buster, and one of his entries was "A short history of my life's high-impact events". I found it was a really cool idea to trace your own history like that, and it somehow puts one's own life in perspective.

As I will be graduating in a couple of months and I'm starting to feel really anxious about the future, I decided to give it a go, maybe it will help lessen the pressure...

So here goes, my own history of life-changing events:

January 24, 1988: Born in AUH, Beirut, Lebanon.

January 28, 1988: Flown back to Glifada, Greece.

August 1991: Moved back (parents moved back, carrying me) to Lebanon.

October 1991: Started school.

September 1993: Marco left to Canada.

October 1993: Moved to a new school.

July-September 1995: Summer in Vancouver, Canada. Decided to become an architect, like R.

Summer 2000: Fell in love with Blink 182. Also, best summer ever!

July 24, 2001: Teta passed away. Met S, R, Z and G.

June 2002: Started dating G.

September 2002: Moved to a new high school.

April 2004: Went to Holland for AMIS.

June 2004: Moved houses.

Summer 2004: Met N and B.

April 2005: Went to Germany for AMIS. Broke up with G.

June 2005: Graduated High school.

September 2005: Started university.

November 2005: Started dating B.

July 2006: Lived through a war.

September 2006: Lived through surveying.

February 2008: Traveled to Jordan.

May 2008: Lived through a mini-war.

Summer 2008: Interned in New York. Traveled to USA for the first time.

January 2009: Traveled to London for a semester.

March 2009: Broke up with B.

April 2009: Traveled to Moscow, St.Petersburg.

June 2009: Came back to Lebanon.

Summer 2009: Best summer ever!

September 2009: Traveled to the West Coast for the first time.

February 2010: Went inside Opera Garnier (Paris). Fell in love with Venice.

April 2010: Wrote this post.

So it wasn't that easy trying to figure out what to put and what to remove... A friend of mine mentioned the other day that sometimes he thinks of "what if..." and how life would be so different if we just changed a single one of those choices. I guess to me the things I included were all instances that would have changed the way I am today had I not done/experienced them, and that's why they are on my list of "life-changing" events. Looking back at my short "history" like that it seems like a logical thread but now that I'm on one end I can't see where its going next, and its a bit scary, but I guess all I have to do is realize that this thread won't stop no matter where it goes and as long as its still there then everything will be fine!

If you're bored then you're boring

2010-04-07T21:19:00.000+03:00

I was at a wedding recently. It was really nice. When the papers were signed and bittersweet jokes about the iron clad bond of eternity in front of god had been made someone while shaking my hand told me "You're next!".

Source

I'm not sure if I read this in another blog or if it was a comedian or a book, but I remember someone talking about this same exact situation and I had the same exact reaction. It was as if I was handed a death sentence.

I'm next! But I don't want to be next! I'm not ready! And Even if I was, now I don't want to go through with it till someone else does it just so you don't feel smug about your prophecy. I'll be waiting at the next funeral to tell them the same thing.

Vault:

Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

2010-03-31T09:33:00.000+03:00

annnnd we're off to Istanbul for some well earned VA-CA-TION and fun! (well, maybe not that well earned).
We should be somewhere in the middle of map 1 right now! :)

Topkapi, here we come!

Beirut - Istanbul

Airport - Hostel

Under Ground

2010-03-30T23:17:00.001+03:00

What If...I woke up yesterday last year?

March 29, 2009

Sometimes, beauty is beyond representation

Belloruskaya Station, Moscow. April 1, 2009.

Mayakinskaya Station, Moscow. April 3, 2009.

Mayakinskaya Station, Moscow. March 30, 2009.

Kropotkinskaya Station, Moscow. April 2, 2009

Kropotkinskaya Station, Moscow. April 2, 2009

Smolenskaya Station, Moscow. April 1, 2009.

Park Kultury, Moscow. March 29, 2009.

Park Kultury, Moscow. March 29, 2009

One Line Movie Review: Shutter Island

2010-03-29T23:49:00.001+03:00

Shutter Island

** Spoiler **
Spoiler means that reading this review will spoil the movie for you!

**SPOILER**
**Friggin Spoiler**
Mental patient, uncured by revolutionary treatment, gets a lobotomy.
The End

YEAHHHHHHHH!

Akbar Minnak Biyom Afham Minnak Bi Sini

2010-03-27T00:52:00.000+02:00

"Akbar Minnak Biyom Afham Minnak Bi Sini" Why is it that this term was a favourite in the school-yard but not so much so anywhere else. I have not heard the term since I graduated High school. I don't know what got me thinking about it now but it is amusing how much power age-difference used to wield in the younger years. Not so any more I'm afraid. Why just tonight I gave the finger to a 60 year old waiter, drank shots with a 20 year old prostitute and threw up on a hundred year old staircase (what).

Now that we are out in the real world the only thing that really matters is money! Observe:

L: Waiter Bring me a Double Malt Whiskey
W: A What?
L: Are you deaf! A double Malt Whiskey! Now!
W: (goes to bar and comes back) I (Stutters) I don't think there is such a thing.
L: What! This is an outrage! Where is the manager!
M: Is there a problem sir.
L: Yes there is a fucking problem! (Slurring Speech) I ordered a damn double malt whiskey, and by my aliterating ass I shall have a double malt whiskey!
M: Sir I really must tell you there is no such thing as a double malt whiskey.
L: (fans out some dollars and waves them around)
M: Why didn't you get this man a double Malt Whiskey!
W: but.. but.. t
M: You're fired, I never want to see you again!
W: walks out all flushed and teary eyed
L: (obviously pleased) now about that double malt old chap
M: (sets down a glass of whiskey on the table) Here you go sir, and if there is anything else I can do for you please do not hesitate to contact me.
The End

And the moral of the story is, two birds in the hand are worth shit, get a job bum!

Vault:

Man rapes prostitute, gets charged with theft. Badish Boom!

Urban Dictionary Definition of the now

2010-03-26T01:06:00.001+02:00

I was on the fence about posting this one, but then I looked at my first few posts in this blog and decided fuck it. If you are under 18 there is no porn here, go elsewhere.

"Skullbag:
On the rare occurance that one meets a female with a glass eye, one must proceed to initate this process. When a male skullfucks a female while teabagging her at the same time. Thought to be a myth/legend, but a few reported incidents give us all hope. Level of awesomeness: Impossible to measure."

Thank you Urban Dictionary for that wonderful definition. Just when I thought I had dug up the deepest recesses of the internet, I am again proven that there are still things that can surprise me. Don't bother looking for images, they exist, but they tend to involve necrophilia as well.

That will do internet, that will do.

Vault:

T R I B U (T) E . B E I R U T

2010-03-25T09:44:00.007+02:00

Jeanne D'arc Street, Hamra Beirut. March 2010

Sweet Disposition

Never too soon

Oh reckless abandon
Like no one's watching you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our bloods still young
It's so young, it runs

Won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to surrender

Sanayeh, Beirut. March 2010

Songs of desperation

I played them for you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our blood's still young
It's so young, it runs

Won't stop til it's over

Won't stop to surrender

Lyrics from Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap
Pitcutres by Yasmina

Bom Yeoreum Gaeul Gyeoul Geurigo Bom

2010-03-24T13:17:00.014+02:00

SPRING
Cambridge, England. May 2009

Master, there is a stone on my back.
Please take it off

Does it torment you?

Yes, Master

Didn't you also do it to the fish?

Yes, Master

Didn't you also do it to the frog?

Yes, Master

Didn't you also do it to the snake?

Yes, Master

Stand up!
Walk around!

I can't walk, it's too heavy

How do you think the fish,
the frog and the snake endured it?

It was wrong to do it

Go and find all the animals
and release them from the stones
Then I will release you too

But if any of the animals, the fish,
the frog or the snake is dead,
you will carry the stone in your heart
for the rest of your life

SUMMER
Bologna, Lebanon. July 2009

Strange
When I can't see you,
I go insane
What is wrong with me?

Lust awakens the desire to possess.
And that awakens the intent to murder

FALL
Syria. September 2009

Leave alone, Master.
Can you not see that I am suffering?

What causes you to suffer?

My only sin was to love
I wanted nothing except her

So?

She went with another man

Ah, that was it

How can that be?
She said that she'd love only me

And then?

I couldn't bear it any more

Didn't you know beforehand
how the world of men is?

Sometimes we have to
let go of things we like
What you like,
others will also like!
Young Fool!
Though you can so easily kill,
you yourself cannot be easily killed

Carve out all of
these characters with the knife
And while you cut out each one,
drive out the anger from your heart

WINTER
Joun, Lebanon. November 2009

and SPRING...
Jeddayel, Lebanon. March 2010

Text from the script of "Bom Yeoreum Gaeul Gyeoul Geurigo Bom" by Kim Ki-Duk.
Pictures by Yasmina.

Garbage Glorious Garbage

2010-03-23T13:24:00.001+02:00

Little known fact, when Maxime Chaya became the first Lebanese person to climb Mt. Everest he wasn't the first thing there that was from Lebanon. Upon reaching the summit Chaaya was confronted by an angry box of Sanita tissues taunting him and saying "sarli natir sneen ya zalami!" The tissue box proceeded to rape Chaya with a dildo made from glass Almaza bottles.

Pure Horror

Trash is nothing new to Lebanon, our forests have more bullet cartridges than the lobby scene in the matrix, and more water bottles than.. something that has a lot of water bottles, but some items seem to be everywhere and have no reasonable explanation for how they ended up there.

Thankfully white trash is not one of them

How many of you have been off hiking in some far of distant place in Lebanon and just when you thought you were as far from humanity as you could get you come across a bottle of wine, a condom and a sheep's head?

The introduction to this article is too rapey, here is a picture of a cute puppy

It always amazes me that you always find the same bizarre shit over and over again wherever you go in the Lebanese countryside. so here is a list of the top inexplicable items of garbage that can be found in Lebanon.

4.Tighty Whities:

Thanks gayhereandnow!

There you are minding your own business trying to dump a body where no one can see it when something suddenly attacks your leg. You look down and stuck to your ankles is a pair of white underwear (underwear is generally referred to as a pair, I don't make the rules.). Why is it that wherever I seem to go in Lebanon people have either just started or finished an epic orgy. I don't even understand how you can forget something like that. The only explanation I can think of is that somewhere out there right now, is a scared/deranged ,man/woman running around butt naked in the wilderness!

3.Sofas:

You may be surprised to know this, but an entire 10% of Lebanese trash in the wild is made up of comfortable seating for four.(in other news the amount of made up statistics in this post just shot up 100%). It's weird how whenever I'm out pulling my body up the Lebanese hill sides and I suddenly have an urge to take a seat, a Sofa will manifest itself for me to set my ass on it. Though generally the condition of the couch will be such that I opt to keep walking, preferably the fuck away from it, these things are literally infesting the hills. What's sad is that those couches have probably seen more sex than I have.

Ok! definitely have seen more sex than I have

2.Truck Wheels:

On one trip up Naher Brahim, we had passed quite a good distance up river, when we reached a place where the water became a placid blue, where you felt like nature remained untouched, where there was a small clearing and the sun shone through to a natural pool, and right in the middle of it all was a big ass wheel. It's like everywhere I go in this country I can't get away from motherfucking wheels. Sometimes I feel like it's the same wheel following me whenever I leave my house, I am now terrified to walk the streets at night because that fucking wheel might run me over at every fucking corner! I don't understand what the hell do you want!

Avenge me!

1.Shoe Soles:

I'm a guy who goes out a lot, this being because I love the outdoors and not because my parents dragged me along on their trips.

Admittedly the boobies were what kept me returning.

And wherever I go there is always at least one, if not multiple, old shoe soles lying on the ground. I mean how many lost shoes are there out there?! How did they get there and who do they all belong to? Is it some weird cult that sacrifice shoe soles to appease an almighty moon-god? I don't know.

Vault:

Copieuse

2010-03-22T15:20:00.004+02:00

So I watched this movie last night, and seeing Lukewarm has started a theme, here is my contribution:

One line about JUDE (1996), based on the Thomas Hardy novel starring Kate Winslet and Christopher Eccleston.

Winslet is a psycho in love with her cousin (Eccleston), leaves her husband to be with him without sex at first then gives in, gets 2 kids, 3rd kid from the guy's previous marriage joins them, they are rejected eveywhere they go because the two aren't married, oldest kid asks why and Winslet tells him because we're too many, kid kills his two sisters and hangs himself.

And this is where you stop watching cause its just too sick.

Ok so maybe my line is too long, at least I've spared you the agony.

Up next: EUROTRIP!! YEAAAAAAA

Bisoux (A la Ivy)

New* Lukewarm's One line Movie Reviews!

2010-03-22T00:28:00.001+02:00

Seeing as I've been away for a while. I decided that I needed to pretend like I had a good reason for my absence. So I'm going to say that I was thinking of this new post theme for the blog all this time, and not share the fact that I was sleeping for a week and that I just copied it the idea from this website and infused it with style.

Bazella W Riz Present!

Lukewarm's One Line Movie Review:

Into the Wild:

**Spoiler**

Man goes on life changing trip to Alaska, dies there.

THE END!! YEAAAAAAAAH

Vault:

Also the skn on your elbow is called the weenus.

Crest 3d!

2010-03-20T20:57:00.002+02:00

Back up, Back the hell up!

Is that some Crest Super 3D whitening?!

Fucktits shit it is!

Just look at this suave motherfucker. Look at it!

You know you want to buy the fuck out of that shit!

It's white and red and makes you smell like Jesus H Christ!

Look at that ergonomic design, I know you wanna spread this shit all over your toothbrush!

You can fucking squeeze it in the middle or at the tip it don't care. Hell you can even place it on its head when you're done.

Sweet mother of fuck! 3D! That is Freshness that crosses the space time continuum. This shit is so awesome you could go back in time and fuck yourself in the ass for this tooth brushing experience. GOD DAMN!.

Vault:

SPRING IS HERE!

2010-03-20T20:00:00.002+02:00

Spring is here, the weather is awesome, the sea is blue and everything is going great!
We can finally stop looking at that gloomy blue page :D
Hope you all like our new colors!

Enjoy

2010-03-18T13:52:00.001+02:00

Presenting the worlds first singing robot!

Wait for it to load I promise it is good.
Also from now on whenever you think of this song you must check this blog.

Vault:

A month in pictures and words

2010-03-13T11:14:00.012+02:00

Paris is Ugly in Winter.

Notre Dame de Paris, February 2010

I'm late. Relatively to Charles Garnier

Boulevard de L'Opera, Paris, February 2010.

Red is beautiful. I don't hate it anymore.

Opera Garnier, Paris, February 2010.

The marriage of Old and New is often made through glass. Architects should not be afraid.

Pyramide du Louvre, Paris, February 2010.

I prefer ruins to monuments.

Tour Eiffel, vue du Trocadero, Paris, February 2010.

Families are awesome. Some more than others.

Rhone, Lyon, February 2010.

Bouchon Lyonnais, February 2010.

Red tiles make all the difference.

Lyon

Beauty is Truth, Truth is beauty. Beauty is mobile.

Contemporary Beauty
Parc de la Villette, Bernard Tschumi, Paris, February 2010.

Ancient beauty
Nike of Samothrace (Victory) at the Louvre, Paris, February 2010.

Italy is as disordered as Beirut. Mediteraneans :)

Duomo, Milan, February 2010.

Repetition creates difference. Sometimes.

Venice, Italy, February 2010.

There's no place like friendship.

Venice, Italy, February 2010.

Things are always best unexpected.

Canal Grande, Venice, February 2010.

Priorities. I should learn mine.

Barakat Building, Sodeco, Beirut, March 2010.

All photographs by Yasmina Chami.

More on the poop theme

2010-03-04T14:37:00.000+02:00

This is a really cool website called Xtranormal which allows you to make videos easily, by simply writing text. For those without access to a camera, actors, or drugs but with the dream of having their script done, this is an amazing tool and can be a lot of fun. Here is my try at a movie with something that happened to me a few days ago.

Re:The Language Dilemma

2010-03-03T00:20:00.001+02:00

Time to get serious:

Ah crap, I promised I wouldn't do this anymore but it looks like I dragged you blog readers into another long and boring post. If you don't feel like reading just skip through and look at the pictures. I apologize in advance to everyone who came here looking for mindless brain candy, sorry folks no candy today.

Maya over at her Amalgam posted something today that really tied my pretzel. A message by one of her fans imploring her to write comics in Arabic. Naturally Maya being the sweet sensitive person she is replied in a sweet and sensitive way. Now I encourage everyone to voice their opinion concerning any issue they want to, but what really lit my fire wasn't her fan but the article s/he linked from Al Arabiya. The Age old argument that the Arabic language is dying and that it is a shame.

A response by Beirut Spring linked in Maya's post, captures one aspect of the argument well, that whatever language we come to use frequently, is because of the opportunities it opens up for us. Had I not spoken English for example I would not have gotten any of the mediocre low paying demeaning jobs I despise waking up to everyday.

TGIF

Another point I would like to bring to your attention is that it was mentioned in the Arabiya article by some prissy girl who was purposely interviewed to create an image in our minds of a pampered princess who we would like to beat to death with a sock filled with small heavy rocks, and who probably wears braces and drinks the blood of babies, while wearing pink stockings, and probably showers in 24 Karat champagne, while dancing on the bar and flashing everyone with her culture destroying nipple rays... what was I saying?

Right, that this totally discredited youth figure attributes her use of French to the fact that it is cool. Now I don't know about French but let me tell you about why I speak American!

It is because it is the language of winners, of the rock stars of planet Earth, of the powerful and of the infinitely awesome, and coincidentally of this really hot girl in high school who I had wet dreams for. Arabic on the other hand is the language of defeated whiney Grandma who needs me to hold her arm because she can't navigate two pairs of steps without getting vertigo and lapsing into an insulin starved induced state of shock as she collapses to the ground simultaneously snapping 3 different bones in her body by the force of gravity alone because she endured a world war and a civil war and does that explain why my father never hugged me, and why I am incapable of feeling love or remorse.... where was I?

Right, Arabic is a language associated with defeat.

The point of this post is that those reasons aside and when in all seriousness we take into account the political and social consequences of the spread of one language in the place of another which is part of invasive colonialist imperialism, and a modernist manifestation of cultural desensitization and war by other means,

when we take all that into consideration, there are certain myths about our relationship with the Arabic language that deserve to be busted open. And because I am thrilled and overjoyed and actually not at all angry, at the fact that I have something to say about this topic, I will share some of them with you.

We didn't used to speak good Arabic good:

If George Antonius is to be trusted from his book The Arab Awakening, then well into the 1800's the Arab language was in such disarray amongst most of the Arab populous. This was especially true in what would become Lebanon, so much so that he described the dialect of Levantine Maronites as indiscernible to most Arabs and that Arabic was going out of vogue and being replaced with the much more popular languages such as Aramaic.Hell with the exception of a few individuals most people actually opted to speak other languages to communicate with each other. This can be basically blamed on the Ottoman Empire or the fact that our ancestors were didn't care what they spoke because you don't need to converse with sheep to have sex with them and they were right (women too).

Muhammad Ali pasha started the drive towards education:

Before the reforms of Mehmet Ali and the Young Turks in the late 1800's there was such a dearth of schools, that we had to send people abroad to get a basic education. The only institutions of learning were religious ones and they were pretty much only interested in things which have no relevance to everyday life. There is a general consensus that after the Abbasid dynasty things spiralled out of control and ignorance became the norm. It was a goddamned Albanian that started public education, and that was to take young boys away from their mothers so they could die fighting for him. People in Syria were so fucking scared of the Red Pasha that they often cut off their firing finger or poked their eyes oust to avoid being conscripted with his army. Fuck! To our ancestors calling in sick took it to a whole new level.(source) Anyway the point is that this was the first time that private families began coming together to create schools in their villages although still very timidly.

His gaze goes deep into your soul

Most of the people were illiterate

The fact that there were no schools meant that most people in the Ottoman empire were as literate as my goldfish. Apart from Butrus Bustani (First mofo to write an encyclopedia) and Nasif Al Yaziji There was no prominent knowledge of the Arab language. It was all Durka Durka Sherpa Sherpa.

We didn't have any books

The Printing press didn't make its way to the Arab world till the 1700's, and while the Abbasid era translated and wrote books like Cuba rolls cigars, by the time the Ottoman Empire rolled in, Arabic book translation and publishing had ground to a halt. It was American protestants, here to save our souls from the devil, who were the first to print arabic texts en masse (the bible) and created a simplified Arabic font which still looks really bad online.(Source). The Arab Typewriter had 300 goddamned characters (Source) before the protestants came in from Malta.

We still don't

The aggregate of translated books from the Al Ma'moon era to the present day numbers 10,000 books - equivalent to what Spain translates in a single year. (Source)

Even in the 1700's we still wrote Arabic like Yamli

(Source) "The first Arabic books published using movable type in the Middle East were by the Maronite monks at the Maar Quzhayy Monastery in Mount Lebanon. They transliterated the Arabic language using Syriac script" Did you read that, TRANSLITERATED, basically the same shit we do today in MSN and on Yamli. Go ahead and call the next person who gives you shit about using transliterated Arabic a protestant Orientalist, that should shut him up.

Is Edward Said gonna have to choke a bitch?

The French taught us Arabic

And Finally a fact whose irony is not lost upon myself, is that the French were the first to institutionalize public schooling in Lebanon and teach all our asses how to read. I mean sure the Ottoman Empire was beginning to go through reform towards the end but that was towards speaking Turkish. So we can thank the French whenever we speak Arabic with a fart infused French accent.Hi Kifak Cava?

So in conclusion, if anything the Arabic Language has been resurrected in the last 200 years, we are much better off than we were and alarmists who lament the good old days need to cut that shit out. It is not a shame because it is not dying and even if it were, in the eternal words of Elizaberth Hurley in Bedazzled "everyone speaks English Anyway, and if they don't they should learn"

Vault:

Nothing I write is accidental. You probably shouldn't trust me on all un-cited material though.

Dolphin Rights?

2010-02-27T15:34:00.001+02:00

A recent post by Lulee about how dolphins are the second most intelligent species on Earth has got me thinking. Are Dolphins smarter than humans with special needs? If the answer is yes, then we will either have to seriously redress the way we treat dolphins, or the way we look at the retarded. Some of you may be sceptical of the comparison raised here, and I understand your concerns, I mean one of them is just a warm blooded mammal that loves fish, and the other is a Dolphin. (Heyo!)

How acceptable is it that we have these animals performing tricks, jumping through hoops, and acting like imbeciles, when they could be used to create porn movies instead! I mean these are creatures that commit suicide, gang rape, and murder for sport, These are all the best attributes of humanity!

So unless we are willing to horde the retards into pens and have them perform for our amusement, maybe we should focus on bringing Dolphins democracy instead.

Vault:

Put your faith in the youth

2010-02-26T20:52:00.002+02:00

How many of you guys have heard some older person say they're putting their hope in the next generation.

You know what old people who have given up. Fuck you!

No, do not put your faith in the next generation. You have clearly fucked us over in this deal and are handing us the short end of the stick. Stop being so defeatist and lazy, get off your fucking asses and take responsibility for your douche baggery. There is no excuse why your generation should give up and burden change and hope on our shoulders(Yes that burden is used as a verb). Hell the reason why we are in this shit hole in the first place is your fault. Man up cause if you're not we're just going to collectively stick you in a retirement home.

Here is a gratuitous image of Salma Hayek in a Bra.

What, like all of a sudden you guys aint alive anymore, you're not interested in improving your lot. So you figure you have twenty more years to go, meh why bother. You know it's for attitudes like this that they invented suicide. Age is a matter of mind, you're only as old and depressed as you think you are. Jeez you guys are such downers, I'm getting out of here I can't let all this negativity get to me before I've grown up.

Colbert Nation is best nation

(This monologue no to be performed in front of terminal patients with cancer)

Vault:

Know your poo

2010-02-25T14:42:00.001+02:00

Click on the image to enlarge.

For more fascinating facts go to this gem of a website: poopreport.com

"We are an unusual bunch, we Poopreporters, are we not? We think poop has humorous merit. And it does, as our great and powerful leader, Dave, has said so on many occasions:
Poop is funny.
It’s funny in the morning; it’s funny during lunch; it’s funny in the evening; and it’s sure as shit funny right before bedtime.
This website receives five thousand hits every day from people who think someone eating too much chili while simultaneously not having enough toilet paper is hysterical. You, fellow poopers, are not alone. Do not think of your delight in the intellectual appreciation of potty humor as setting you apart from the cubicle drones who so brazenly invade your liberated status with obsequious office behavior—those who swear that they have never, ever, pooted. No. Instead, think of it as rescuing you. It frees you from being one of the unflushed masses. (If they existed, I bet scientific studies would show that being able to laugh at a PoopReport lowers your statistical chances of being a total asshole by over twenty-five percent…)"

I especially liked the subscribe to poop news section.
Enjoy.

Paris Beirut je t'aime, moi non plus.

2010-02-23T16:23:00.003+02:00

February 22, 2010.

"Hey S!
It's been a while! What have you been up to?
How's Beirut?
I've been sinking in work lately, it's really cold here and I don't feel like doing anything most of the time... But at least the work is good, its keeping me busy so I don't have to think too much, you know...
Well anyway, I just wanted to check on you... I kind of miss you...
It's just that sometimes, I wonder... Do you still think about... Well, I shouldn't bring this up probably... Anyway, I hope you're fine, keep in touch!

V. "

February 24, 2010.

"V,
Please stay out of my life.
S"

February 25, 2010.

"V,
I'm sorry about yesterday.
I guess I'm not okay either.
I do still think about it.
All the time.
Does it really matter though?
If you let your thoughts go outside of it and think hard enough it almost disappears.
I just try to do that, when it gets too strong...
I think about life as a limitless volume and then things don't weight the same...
They don't weight at all... or at least that's what I try to believe.
I know they're still there.
I'm sorry anyhow, what do you want me to say?
It's not cold here, you should move back...
I'm going away soon, I think.
Well, take care. I'm happy work is good. Work is good.
S."

Quickie

2010-02-21T19:04:00.000+02:00

From the vault till I have time, sorry I havn't updated in a while:

Valentines day

2010-02-11T23:02:00.001+02:00

We're already well into February and it seems that all everyone's talking about is Valentines day. For the uninitiated Valentines day may seem to be a commercial holiday created purely to spite single people into killing themselves, but for the rest of us, we realize what Valentine's day is really about ...

This took 5 hours in MSpaint

Now most guys will want to get their girls flowers, and that's all fair and well, in fact there is a pretty cool campaign going on at Ivysays, but if you really want to leave a good impression ie: get her into bed quicker, you may want to follow these tips:

Ofcourse you may also choose to stay in this valentine

Read her Poetry:
Now we here at Bazella w riz feel as confused as a girl getting her first period by poetry, but for some reason when women hear poetry, no matter how sappy or disgusting, they see the speaker transformed into the man of their dreams, or an electric dildo, or both. And you want to be that person.
Try some of these quality BazellaWRiz patented verses:

Roses are red
Pickles are green
I like your legs
and what's in between.

Girl I need you like an orphan needs a mom,
Girl I need you like Bush needed Saddam
Girl I need you like a kidney stone patient needs to pee
Girl I need youuuuu to be with meeeee.

Make her Dinner:
The biggest concern in valentines' day is not blowing your entire monthly salary on one night. One important way you can avoid this and still get laid is by cooking her dinner at home. Unless your date is 12 years old, sticking some ramen noodles into a pot is an unacceptable thing to do, if she is 12 then you have way worse problems than finding something to cook on valentines day. Try doing something easy like buying some steak and some wine, stick some fresh vegetables in a pot and boil them. I'd advise staying away from seafood and garlic.

Take her to a supermarket:
Some of you may laugh this option off as a practical joke, but taking your girl to the nearest supermarket and setting her loose will be the best thing you never thought of. Women love to shop, and we all have a secret yearning to go wild in the supermarket. She will love your initiative and you can have a great time getting lost between the endless aisles. Based on personal experience the best place to hide is in the diaper section. After you're done you can let her buy anything she wants and you can go home and have that dinner we talked about.

Light some candles:
Girls love ambiance, by getting some scented candles and spreading them across your house you can have her melting like butter. If you still live with your parents it's even better because you can pretend you worship Satan and your parents are none the wiser. the benefits of candles is that you can use the candle wax for some sweet sweet S&M later.

Don't go to the website it's a bad bad place

Make your own gift:
Here is a game I love to play. Leave out clues in the house with each one leading your girl to another. Start some place you now she will be then lure her out to the garden or street. Then kill her. um.. wait no, don't kill her. Give her your gift. Kill her on some other occasion. Girls love crap you just glued together using your 5 year old brothers pencil case, make a nice heart with glitter hell I don't know just put some crap together and call it art, she'll go crazy for it.

You can also embed hidden messages

That's all you guys need to know for now. Now go out there and have a great valentines day, and if you don't have a date, remember, there is always chloroform! If you put in a little effort you may start to look forward to valentines night just as much as she doesn't!

Vault:

Kunhadi is badass

2010-02-07T02:43:00.000+02:00

This is a tribute to the Kon-hadi add on the radio stations, it is quite bad-ass and I believe Horatio would approve.

Urgent Scientist finds Earth's gravitational pull increased on Feb 1st

2010-02-02T22:33:00.002+02:00

*Breaking News*

A physicist from the CERN facility in France recently reported a spike in the level of Earth's magnetic weight. It is believed that the spike stems from a sudden increase in mass.

The spike has affected the Earth's orbit and appears to have created a new planetary path that has pushed the earth in an elliptical pattern a few Kilometers closer to the sun.

Shit!

According to the Max Plank Institute for Astrophysics, who posted an urgent warning on their website, the shift is going to cause monumental damage to everyone on earth. It is expected that most existing satellites will be lost, and that our relationship with the moon will be a little more "irregular".

When looking into the source of the astronomical change, it was found to have occurred around noon on Monday and to have surprisingly originated in Lebanon, particularly from one man.

This man:

Ex-Prime Minister Salim, A.K.A. "Potato Sacks", Hoss

It appears that on Monday, shortly after 12:00pm, Salim El Hoss issued a statemen t calling out the right hand of God on the Lebanese territories Grand Mufti Rachid Qabbani.

El Hoss reportedly read out the statement asking the Mufti to explain allegations of fund embezzlement, in a calm and deep voice, before turning around dramatically, with coat tails flapping in slow motion, to stare down God himself. Our one true maker who had returned from his age long slumber by the sheer ball dropping awesomeness of Hoss's act, was so awe struck that he exclaimed Medamn!

Excuse me mister Prime Minister sir but could you please move your balls off my feet!

Eye- witnesses claim that after a riveting 30 second staring contest during which the soundtrack for requiem for a dream started playing spontaneously in the background, God averted his gaze from the mighty Hoss and ascended in a majestic burst of white light, humiliated back to heaven. At that point the floor boards beneath Hoss began creaking and it is said that the size of his balls grew by more than ten-fold.

The massive increase in mass destabilized the Earth's orbit and has since left us hurtling towards a fiery painful death.

When contacted for a comment on the event Hoss smiled at reporters stared into the sky and said "bring it".

Efforts to reach God have remained unsuccessful, the deity has reportedly shut himself in a round room and is crying in a corner. In related news it is believed that Grand Mufti Qubbani was erased from the very fabric of space time in a purpley puff.

Vault:

Salim El Hoss in his younger days as an Econ teacher:

YEAAAAAHHH!

Things My kids will never be turned on by (unnaturally)

2010-01-31T22:07:00.011+02:00

5. Short repeated clips

Just 10 more times should do it!

When I used to be a kid, the internet speeds weren't what they were today. We didn't have any of that DSL shit so we had to make do sometimes with the same 5 to 10 second clip over and over and over again. So today whenever I hear a quick clip repeated over and over and over, I uncontrollably develop a boner. With the new internet speeds my kids will never experience the pleasure of anticipation as they stare at the percentage of each second downloading from the windows 95 browser.

4.pixelated/scrambled images

Richard Nixon is so hot!

I moved around a few houses back as a kid, and I only got a good porn channel in one of those houses. In the other places I had to scan between the channels to pick up fuzzy images of what I thought were naked women. Later it turned out it was some tv show presenter, but I guess attraction is all in the mind. To this very day when I see something that looks like a body on a scrambled black and white channel I get turned on. My kids will never know the pleasure of illegal cable, they'll probably have my parental lock cracked in less than a week and enjoy crystal clear titties on their LCD screen in our dumpster house.

3. 2-bit Mario princesses

Flash those calves you dirty pile of electrons!

When the game-boy came out in 1995 it was THE SHIT! unfortunately we didn't have backlights like today's kids do so we could only play during the day. But I still remember my early teen self having quite a few dreams involving princess peach and bowser. Oh shit there's nothing like a good imagination to get the juices flowing :D. In the future my kids will be immersed in 3D environments donning air pressure suits, and will have games that leave little to the imagination.

2.Magazines and stuff on paper

This image was the first thing I ever printed. It got me through many lonely nights

My parents always told me, just before they tucked me in at night, that a playboy magazine used to mean something. That back then discovering a stash of centrefolds would have made you a reputation on the playground that'd get you through high-school. Hell even I remember printing out pictures on my old black and white Epson and stashing them under the mattress. I guess in that respect my generation straddle the border of innovation. The computer age came by fast and before you knew it, we were huddled around a laptop on the football field fighting to get a glimpse of some hardcore action which some kids older brother gave him on a CD he got. Ah good memories. Inanimate pictures, they don't even move!

1. Smell of Palmolive soap

No comment on this one.

Vault:

Lukewarms goes on a Trip to the south

2010-01-29T23:22:00.003+02:00

I went on a trip with my class today to the Lebanese border in the South. It was a one and a half hour ride and when we got there the UNIFIL public relations team debriefed us, after the debriefing there was a Q&A session:

L: So as I saw when I came in you have women in UNIFIL
Amit: Yes UNIFIL prides itself on having a healthy mix of genders and nationalities.
L: So the obvious question now is, have you ever had a UNIFIL beauty pageant?
Carl: Our troops have undergone years of rigorous exercise!
L: so...
Moira: They are all accomplished in the martial arts, and know how to kill a person in seven different ways.
L: right but...
A: They took Peace Keeping training for two years! Most of them have Masters programs and graduated with distinction!
L: and by that you mean ...
A: *sighs in desperation* no we have not had a beauty pageant
L: What! never! (disappointedly turns off camera) That's ridiculous!
C: No never
L: But seriously the Italians have the hottest women on the base right? Am I right Kumar? Come on I can tell you've thought about it.

To be fair the Italians do have great 'armor'

A: It's Amit actually
M: I don't think
L: Awww come on Jefferson, you can humour me
A: (shifts in seat and looks to his colleagues on either side)
L: I know you sneak a peek into the lockers every once in a while... come oooon!
A: oh alright, yes I guess if I had to choose I would say the Nepalese are the most attractive.

(I would later discover that the Nepalese battalion consisted entirely of small fair shaped boys)

L: Oh Johnson! you sly dog you! *winks overtly*
A: My name is Amit!
M and C: (offended looks) Sir I think that/
A: oh shut it Moria, you havn't had an orgasm since Bosnia! (Carl stifles a laugh)
At this point the Q&A devolved into a multinational brawl and peacekeeping forces were brought in to diffuse the tensions.

But seriously here is a quick summary of what they told us:

They said that they were confident in the absence of illegal weapons south of the Litani river, that they were documenting all violations, including the daily Israeli overflights, and sending them to the Security Council. They explained that the Blue Line is based on a 1923 map drawn between the French and British in order to demarcate their separate mandates between Palestine and Lebanon, that this is the border we are still using today, and which Israel has withdrawn beyond. Israel has set up a parameter fence which is south of the Blue Line (which is not a border but a UN made line) The Israeli fence is at times 300 meters away from the Blue Line, and this causes some confusion such as the like that appeared in the media a few months ago about the UN demarcation outposts, and when shepherds cross the blue line inadvertently from both sides.

When asked about the impending war in Lebanon the team laughed and said that it's just speculation. Considering that UNIFIL has contact between the Lebanese Armed Forces and the IDF, I guess they only have half of the story. One important commitment by the UN is that if a war does happen they won't be leaving, I feel safer already.
If any UNIFIL forces chance upon this I'm just kidding, I know many people have died in UNIFIL and I am grateful for your efforts.

Today I also learned that there are some things you can only learn as you grow older. It's impossible for me to go back and teach my young self some of my life lessons which I learnt, one of which I acquired today, that sucks. As I stood on the ridge with a fence and a trench separating me from Palestine, I got the weirdest feelings. I mean here we were standing a few meters away talking about technical cooperation and positive attitudes as if things could ever work out. Reality brings a rude shock to the past months of reading and study into the conflict, I mean at the end of the day lives move on. I looked into the town in the valley across feeling a mixture of yearning to cross as I felt entrapped behind the fence, and a sense that there too I belong, that the barriers are arbitrary distinctions set up by colonial old White men with awesome moustaches, that so many have bled on the land I was standing on. I really wish I could describe it more accurately but it was a mix of yearning and guilt and confusion all at once, like it was a foreign country but still similar. I wish I could say I gained clarity but all that happened on top of that hill made things more complex. That wasn't my life lesson though, I got those same feelings when I was looking at shemale porn, no, what I learned was that even professors have emotions and that sometimes their awkward high-school alienation shows through and though they may be experts in one field, they are not authorities in all fields, and this took me all of my years to learn. Anyway, if I can leave any message after all of this assuming you even continued reading this far it would be that at all borders are evil and our states are all fake.

Vault:

Lukewarm Ehtiopian Air-line crash

2010-01-26T22:13:00.002+02:00

It was a gusty day as I was taking a brisk walk down the beach with my jacket flapping behind me. The wind was whipping salt sea spray into my eyes, it stung.People on the beach were scavenging for pieces of the plane, wallets, toilet seats, Plastic. Tanya Mhanna is on TV talking about helicopters lifting decapitated bodies, a psychologist on Manar talks about the importance of seeing the body for the grieving process, Zaven still looks like a gay pedophile if that makes any sense. Families of the deceased are told to submit their DNA for compatibility tests. People sound off comments on how the blackness of the pilot is at fault. Sounds like one of my posts, but it's not. You know shit is fucked up when I'm the voice of reason.

How to search for porn in AUB

2010-01-26T21:52:00.000+02:00

Go into google image search,

type in boobies

Enjoy

What will tomorrow bring?

2010-01-23T00:53:00.002+02:00

A little recapitulation of my birthday celebrations for the past five years (aka since I went into architecture).
January 24, 2006: 8.5 h long Technical drawing exam. Followed by overnight on Basic design project.
January 24, 2007: Overnight on Building construction final project. Also english essay.
January 24, 2008: Nervous breakdown caused by loss of Opera section, and opera due Jan. 26
January 24, 2009: Overnight on English essay due for AUB(Beirut). Visual Manifesto due for AA (London)
January 24, 2010 (projection): At best overnight on thesis layout. Possible nervous breakdown, tears expected.
January 24, 2011: ON A BEACH SOMEWHERE SUNNY, THINKING ABOUT NOTHING.

UNLEASH

2010-01-22T18:57:00.001+02:00

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I feel so much better now. THANKS.

Get rich quick!

2010-01-21T21:45:00.001+02:00

Recently my friend told me that her dream was to become a housewife.You can find her much better blog here. Her reason? She didn't want to work if she didn't have to.

I'm guessing that many of our inferior female blog readers share the same sentiment. What with having two X chromosomes and being less evolved and all, it's easy to see why you would want to give up the hard effort of having independent ideas and just delegate all higher reasoning tasks to a man. To you I have good news.

Mother: Somehow I told you so doesn't quite cut it

The days of lounging around at the Riviera pool, hoping that some overweight cigar smoking business man will take notice of you are over! Marry An Ugly Millionaire dating agency is here to help!

It's as easy as creating an account and choosing one of many available filthy rich yet hopelessly ugly men. No more painful heartache, no more humiliating waxing rituals, no more blind dates with under-age Saudi boys who are visibly disappointed that you are not a man.

Register today and your days of poverty and fear will be over forever!

One of our many happily married couples

Vault:

People who enjoyed this post also enjoyed the torture game

Haiti brought it on themselves

2010-01-16T19:29:00.002+02:00

In a recent T.V. appearance Pat Robertson, some old white fart who almost ran for Republican American presidency in 1988, said that the earthquake in Haiti happened because god was punishing the Haitians for making a deal with the devil to get rid of the French.

I do not envy That news presenter

Now aside from the fact that Pat Robertson has the brainpower of a Fujitsu laptop running Windows ME, just picture the fucking lengths people are willing to go to, to get rid of the fucking French! A deal with the MotherFucking Devil! More power to you Haitians more power to you! Hell if I had those Smelly, onion loving, pit licking, homeboys in my backyard I'd sacrifice anything to get them the hell out. I'd sacrifice my first legitimate born child to the devil if I had to.

Back you French demons!

But Wait! there's more! It just came to me that we here in Lebanon were "under the heel" of the French ourselves. And if the Haitians were too primitive to get rid of them without divine intervention, then what of us! And then it hit me! That's why we went through the civil war! Of course! Beshara Khoury and Riad El Solh sitting in two separate Jail cells being interrogated by the French for hours! Only demonic aid could have
gotten them through that ordeal!

Talk or we'll shove this somewhere unpleasant... your mouth!

Anyway One civil war later and we're stilling paying our debt back to the devil. I reckon with the maths done those days we still have about half a million souls due by the turn of this decade. One way or another he's going to get them...

Vault:

Another serious/boring post about architecture. Lukewarm fans, you have been warned :)

2010-01-14T13:15:00.001+02:00

I can’t remember how many times, during my training as an architect for the past four years, I have been asked to explain what architecture really is. A lot, is all I can say, but what I know for certain, is that this question was always met by a complicated (not complex) thirty minute tirade attempting to explain that architecture is not about decorating, or making a building/facade “pretty”, and that beauty is very rarely used as a tool in architecture, and that no, I’m not an “exterior architect” and someone else will come and do the interior, and that there’s nothing called “taste” in architecture, and that whatever we design has to elaborate a somewhat adequate and precise answer to a set of criteria, including users, site, context, structural constraints, program, etc, etc..., leaving the enquirer and myself somehow more frustrated at the end of the conversation, the first because of the difficulty of grasping my incomprehensible rant, and myself because it made me realize every time, that I actually did not know how to define what architecture is.
I started realizing that architecture was a discipline that was very exclusive of others that are not within in, that once we had entered it, our language, thinking, and life had been gradually transformed to adjust to a dense, wide discourse and practice, that was very hard to share with others that had not received the same “brainwashing” treatment. It made me start to doubt in architecture, because, if only the people doing it understand it, and read in it what they claim it is about, then it could be all a giant hoax. Normal people, not as in we are crazy (which to a certain extent we are) but as in non-architects, have subjective judgments of spaces, places, and objects, that include words such as “beautiful”, “ugly”, “modern” ( to designate something that incorporates glass), “old style” (even though the building might have been built in 2004), etc... And it doesn’t make the slightest difference to them if its “fake old”, or a concrete arch, or that to us it might be the most shocking monstrosity we have ever seen.
In fact I have heard people ridicule an architect’s judgment many more times than I’ve heard them ask for it, or rely on it, to construct their own.
The reality is non-architects don’t see the world as we learn to, their criteria for judgment are largely different than ours, and they don’t care about ours. The other reality is that we build mostly for non-architects, which brings my question. If architecture is about building for people, and cannot be built without a budget, and sponsor, then why does it include all these concepts and ideas that the people we build it for cannot understand? And if a discipline is so exclusive that only those practicing it understand it, and can address it, and work within it, then what proves it validity?
Architecture almost seems to me like a mental institution where the inhabitants would understand each other perfectly well and have their own rules and principles and debates about them, while the outside world is totally oblivious to this other world and its existence. I am immersed in this institution, and I have been exposed to many of its principles, debates, and ideals. To a certain extent I believe in them, because I rely on them to construct my own work, but the realization that most people don’t share this basis makes me highly doubtful of the validity of my work.
What is left of anything we design, if we strip it of our intention, our “narrative” or our concept? In real life, we don’t go around handing out theses or statements or manifestoes to the users of our architecture. We just offer the spaces we design and hope that people will be perceptive and appreciate them. The rules for their appreciation however, are totally different than the ones we based our design on, and so what happens to all the knowledge and ideals that shape our design, after it is done? They go unnoticed in the “real” world, and in the architectural world architects discuss them and extract them and file them under the relevant category to perpetuate the debate within the discipline.
What I extract from this discussion is that the difference between architecture, and a building, is this intangible set of ideas, principles and directions that could be considered to give “meaning” to a “building” and transform it into “architecture” instead.This “meaning”, and its validity and the validity of it having to exist, is what has shaped my main fears and questions concerning what I have been doing for the past four years. Whenever I designed, I could never explain exactly what the meaning of what I was designing was, or why it was the way I had designed it.
What has been driving my work for the past four years has been intuition, and feeling, which is something I thought not many architects considered as a valid measure of meaning, or worth, but is the same criteria that shapes my appreciation of the built environment, and various works of art or architecture. And so part of what I was attempting to find this semester was the answer to these questions, and to understand what I liked, and why I liked it, in other words, to find meaning.
At the beginning, I tried to escape these nagging questions, and I claimed that architecture today was about lifestyle; I turned away from the city and the bulk of what is built so I would not have to concern myself with explaining or finding meaning. I never thought my final year project would involve the past, or something someone else had designed, I had never given much credit to what I thought was uninventive work, and I had tried to stay away from “the past” as much as I’d could, in the obsessive strive to be “contemporary”, and “innovative”. As it turns out, being contemporary in Beirut means precisely having to deal with the past, because it is everywhere. It also turns out it is much more difficult to design within the existing, than in a vacuum, especially if one is in search of meaning.
Ultimately, I was searching for myself, and I had to understand what was already there, so I could place myself within it.

The Number one song of 2009...

2010-01-09T20:01:00.002+02:00

Is Black Eyed Peas' I got a Feelin. My own prediction came in at number two :'( bummer

Quickie

2010-01-08T18:18:00.003+02:00

I know it feels like it's been ages since we've posted but both Yasmina and me are going to be quite busy this week. Still I feel bad for not posting anything for so long so I will leave you with this awesome video I saw on youtube. Also you can now subscribe to the blog by email.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T22:14:00.000+02:00

I Hope Everyone is enjoying their New year. We've had some good times haven't we, gone through so much together, through the thick and thin, through the lame and disconcerting. I just want to say that it's been an honour having this blog for the past few months.

On another note, it seems like everyone is making lists of the best of for the last year or decade, there's even a best of list of best of lists, sweet white Jesus, talk about breaking the fourth wall.

For me the most identifying moment of the past decade apart from Bush taking the presidency, the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan, the Gaza war, the Palestinian Elections, Lebanese mini civil-war, Lebanese full fledged war, Obama wining the presidency etc... Ok so apart from that the number one event that made this decade for me was the ousting Joseph Fritzl. The guy who trapped his daughter for 24 years after he impregnated her when she was 17. God damn! Who knew that was illegal huh!

Anyway For my 2010 resolution I hope to graduate. Well it's not much of a resolution, I guess I also could try developing a sense of humour and moral decency and empathy for my fellow man ...
nah!

Vault:

Music in 2009

2009-12-31T01:00:00.000+02:00

So a few days after New Years all the Radio Stations are going to be having their top songs of the year contests. If any of you want to participate, you best believe that the number one song in Lebanon this year is Edward Maya's Stereo love. I may not like the song but you've been hearing it since summer began and it's still going strong. Fuck. I guess it's like the scars of tortured childhood memories in that way.

Oh and another thing, what the fuck is with this shit about bringing new years a day before anyone else, what the hell is wrong with mix fm. The way we mark time is just a convention. Fuck, that's retarded.

(to be read in the voice of Chris Rock)

Vault:

Post Celebration detox

2009-12-28T16:39:00.001+02:00

I've heard several of my yellow bellied pathetic wimps of friends telling me over and over again that as soon as the vacation season is over, they will be going into a food detox and will be turning into vegetarians.

As I write these words down right now I am actually also eating a delicious triple whopper with cheese, so needless to say I am not interested in such trivial things as health and transforming human beings into giant walking talking cows, But for those of you who are, this is Lukewarm's making vegetarianism fun!

Making Vegetarianism fun!

Let's start with an average vegetarian meal say a Caesar salad. According to Wikipedia:

"A Caesar salad has romaine lettuce and croutons dressed with parmesan cheese, lemon juice, olive oil, egg, Worcestershire sauce, and black pepper. It may be prepared tableside."

Now to help with your transition I'm going to give you some suggestions to make this vegetarian dish much more fulfilling.

Step 1: remove the croutons

Step 2: remove the parmesan cheese

Step 3: remove the egg

Step 4: add some salt

Step 5: Place a cooked steak in the middle of the plate

Et voila! you can now enjoy a much tastier and improved dish that will make you sigh with orgasmic satisfaction.

Vault:

Spoiler Warning Sherlock Homes

2009-12-26T11:14:00.001+02:00

Old Sherlock:

Watson: But Holmes how ever did you figure it out?

Holmes: Well you see it's elementary my dear boob headed companion, the killer is clearly Mrs. Pinkerton because of this set of incriminating evidence with which by highlighting I have simultaneously blown your and the reader's brains by the sheer force of awesome that is my deductive capability. Now run off while I make love to the dozens of Women waiting in line.

The pure genius of deductive reasoning

New Sherlock Homes Movie:

Watson: Oh fucktits, your breath stinks like hell have you been drinking again?

Holmes: Mumbles something about wanting to make love to Watson

Watson: Fuck! This is why I;m leaving this shit hole, you are always covered in shit, and being a generalfuck around asshole, Like that last time you pointed out that my mother had Breast Cancer. Very smooth asshole, it takes a real fucking genius to deduce that she had her boobs missing.

*Pigeon slams on window*
Holmes: Watson, a case has just landed in my lap, shall we take it up.

Watson: *glances at the incriminating papers Holmes is flashing in front of him* You're a fucking asshole

...later

Holmes: Fucktits Watson, we're at a cemetery, look at me while I lick this stone I found on the ground.

Watson: I'm pretty sure that's how you get syphilis...

Holmes: nonsense Watson (licks the face of a corpse in the morgue)

Watson: (throwing up on the evidence) Jesus ... would you please stop that.

Holmes: Alright Watson lets go fuck around while we wait for more evidence to fall on our heads, or I get you killed, whichever comes first.

End...

Lord Blackwood: Now with this technology which has yet to be invented for another good 300 years I will kill everyone with cyanide which I will then somehow use to rule the world.

Holmes: (laughing) black .. wood, ahahahha, dude what the fuck, you must have been bullied like hell as a kid.

Blackwood: (stares at feet)

Holmes: listen we all know how this movie will end so why don't you save us all the trouble and go die in a dramatic finale. I have some drinking to do.

...

Watson: Holmes wake the fuck up, you've been dreaming again. I'm leaving you for good this time, and stop molesting our dog. good bye.

The End!

Vault:

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2009-12-25T13:54:00.000+02:00

The 12th day of Christmas

2009-12-24T13:51:00.004+02:00

I can't wait to open my presents tomorrow!!

I never thought I'd say this but....

2009-12-24T02:00:00.002+02:00

Where is the TRAFFIC??!
Where is the RAIN??!!
Hellooow, CHRISTMAS, you there??

So first, I'm still wearing t-shirts, and the sun is shining, and the sea is blue and the weather is beautiful, and as weird as it seems, I don't want it to be!!!

To me, Christmas = Rain, lights, traaaaaaffffiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccc forever, especially the last few days...My favorite Christmas memories involve waiting for hours in a traffic jam trying to get gifts to friends' houses, or getting to grandpa's house, or fighting with the whole family while Christmas shopping, and this year there's just nothing of that!
As Luke pointed out, something really weird is happening!
I was driving today from Hamra to Achrafieh, dreading in advance what I thought would take 3 hours to reach ABC, but to my surprise got there in 10 min, didn't even have to wait in line to get into the parking!!! It's busier than that on any given Sunday!!!
What happened to all the people who were there two days ago??
Did everyone just assume that everyone else would be there and decide to avoid the whole thing??
And yea, what's up radio stations!!! hellooooo, I know I hate Mariah Carey, but still Christmas is not Christmas until I hear that nasal pretentious voice telling me all it wants for Christmas is me.

Maybe I shouldn't complain. But really, with dry clothes, traffic-less streets and no rush, it really doesn't feel like Christmas this year!

So Santa, as weird as it might seem, all I want for Christmas this year, is RAIN. and PEOPLE. AND CHRISTMAS CAROLS. and to feel like its actually CHRISTMAS!

Don we now our gay apparel

2009-12-23T21:35:00.000+02:00

I was driving home tonight and I noticed something very odd.

There was no traffic! It was 8pm and during my entire drive from Ain EL Mrayseh to I only slowed down once! And that was to wipe the blood off my wind-shield.

What's more I couldn't find one decent Christmas song on the radio! To be fair I mainly listen to pop music and I don;t have any religious stations on my speed dial, but I found myself resorting to Nostalgie to get a decent Christmas tune! NOSTALGIE!!! The frenchiest mc french french station around! What the hell you guys!

I guess it's clear that Christmas is on a downward spiral, many years from now your Children will be singing along to the sweet soothing tunes of Sean Paul and Lady Gaga. I'm glad I'll be old by then and I'll be able to molest all those little shits.

VAult video:
Results in google of looking up "Christmas gay"

The 11th day of Christmas

2009-12-23T13:44:00.001+02:00

The tenth day of Christmas

2009-12-22T13:43:00.003+02:00

They're getting better as the big day approaches!

The 9th day of Christmas

2009-12-21T13:42:00.000+02:00

You get two because they are kinda lame

The 8th day of christmas

2009-12-20T13:38:00.001+02:00

Sweet sweet racism

The 7th day of christmas

2009-12-19T13:33:00.000+02:00

The 6th day of Christmas

2009-12-18T13:31:00.002+02:00

On the fifth day of Christmas

2009-12-17T13:29:00.001+02:00

Snowman rape!!

Now with video!

The fourth day of Christmas

2009-12-16T13:24:00.002+02:00

third day of christmas

2009-12-15T12:34:00.006+02:00

On the third day of Christmas Lukewarm gave to me:

Ok I'm gonna cut the counting/singing part because I can't keep track of all the pics I have.

And this last one may be a bit too risqué:

The second day of christmas

2009-12-14T16:08:00.001+02:00

On the second day of Christmas Lukewarm gave to me:

Two santas raping
One Santa Flashing
And a healthy dose of blasphemy!

The first day of Christmas

2009-12-13T17:23:00.001+02:00

On the first day of Christmas lukewarm gave to me:

One Santa Flashing

The twelve days of Christmas

2009-12-12T16:49:00.001+02:00

Well ma dears,

We're coming up quick on December the 13th and in celebration of the 12 days of christmas I'll finally be able to put that stockpile of Santa, Jesus, Christmas, Virgin Mary pictures in the vault to good use. Expect a new image everyday up till Dec 25th. They will be blasphemous and some will be disturbing, Don't say I didn't warn you. If you are a sensitive viewer you would do well to stay away till Dec 26th.

Vault:

The shittiest job in the world

2009-12-07T14:47:00.005+02:00

As promised:

You're sitting in your cubicle doing a 6day 9 hour job inputting the same data over and over again for a menial 2 dollars an hour. You start thinking to yourself that you have the worst job in the world. Well you could in fact be in England wiping some guys butt with your bare hands!

Yes the groom of the stool, or shit boy as he is commonly called, was a member of the royalty who was responsible for wiping the kings ass with his hands. At the time paper was in short order, so the king didn't have the time or money to go about wiping his own butt, getting his silky red robes shit filthy in the process.

What has been seen...

The obvious solution is hiring someone to wipe your ass for you. Now the king faced a dilemma, No one was applying to the job offer he posted on ye old town board. It probably had something to do with the fact that he wrote it with his own feces, but still, the king had to get his ass wiper.

So he sweetened the deal, not only would you be given a warm room and food, you would also become royalty, and not be sexually molested! By fondling his highnesses brown treasures you would become a respectable member of the ruling class, with a not sore anus!

Hot damn, that did the trick, before you knew the king had more shit boys than he knew what to do with, so he started killing the ones with dry hands, warts, and big penises and eventually narrowed them down to a few lucky soft handed bastards!

Maybe lucky is too harsh a word

Still as you can imagine the job had its awkward moments. Like when the king got that sudden bout of diarrhoea or when the not so rare case of Bukake would happen. On an awkwardness scale this job is more awkward than finding out you've been wearing your father's underwear all day, or that you've been using the wrong toothbrush for the last week, but still less awkward than the sobs of a rape victim.

Sadly the position of groom of the stool was abolished in 1589, today we just call him Prince Charles. Heyo!

So there it is, next time you find yourself bitching about how bad you have it open this post, read it, and thank whatever form of artificial life you worship that you are not a human roll of toilet paper.

Vault: not surprisingly, very few tasteful pictures of shit exist on the internet

NB: I first found out about this on cracked.com, as a rule of thumb however, once three websites have written on a topic it's up for grabs for anyone.

Beirut Marathon!

2009-12-06T12:13:00.001+02:00

To all those Bazella W Riz fans at the marathon today! We know you've been training hard in front of your computers for weeks to get that thousand dollar prize! So here we're going to post some helpful tips to get you through your big day.

Tip 1: The day before

Make sure you get to sleep early. That way you will spend the whole night turning and twisting in bed trying to fall asleep but unable to. When you finally do get to sleep it will be two hours past the usual time you sleep at, and you will wake up in a sweaty distressed state, from a dream involving wooden spatulas and your high school teacher.

dammit Google!

Tip 2: Have a good breakfast

Now that you have woken up in the shittiest mood ever, and that your stomach is in knots, you should try to force some food down your stomach.This is very important, I know they will be giving out bananas and raisins and shit at the marathon, but you won't have time to grab that shit while you're making the dash to the finish line against a Somalian man 1/4th your weight. This is when your breakfast comes in handy, a well aimed projectile vomit can win you anywhere between 5-10 seconds.

of course this could happen as well

Tip 3: Drink lots of water

Water is the source of life, and coke and tea, and pretty much everything. So it's very important to keep drinking during the entire day. It is not uncommon for real marathon runners to keep running from the finish line to the bathroom having held in all that liquid while they were marathoning. Of-course being Lebanese I encourage you to take piss breaks regularly if you need to. Use the nearby tree, a wall, or even better a fellow marathon runner's leg for extra points!

Tip 4: Lose with honour

We know you will probably come last. Right after the quadriplegic cripple, what did you expect? Just make sure to lose with respect and dignity. keep your head high and hope that they have a prize for last place. You've done us all proud, and there will always be next year.

Vault:

Every Diet ever made

2009-12-02T10:28:00.001+02:00

Holy Crap!

You've just discovered an ancient secret weight loss recipe!

For only 9.55 you too can learn how to lose weight quick!

This method involves NO EXERCISE, and NO EXCESSIVE DIETARY RESTRICTIONS!

Fuck tits! you know I'm excited cause I wrote that in caps lock!

By following this easy 5 step formula you too can gain that lovely body shape you have always desired:

Step 1: Breakfast:
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day it makes up 25% of your daily nutrition intake! We don't know why that's so special as it leaves 75% between lunch and dinner but whatever, don't question your parents.
You can have WHATEVER YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST as long as it's *Insert exotic fruit/vegetable here* HOLY TITS YOU CAN EVEN HAVE MORE THAN ONE! but no more than three.

Sweet Sweet Babies

Step 2: Lunch:
Have ANYTHING YOU WANT for lunch. Just stay away from fried foods, and only eat till you feel 8/10th full.. No dessert for you, you chubby double chinned man baby!

ANYTHING!

Step 3: Dinner
Have WHATEVER YOU WANT FOR DINNER just make sure it's a light dinner and don't eat right before you sleep, try not to eat after 8pm you fatass

Though not part of the diet, burger baths are awesome!

Step 4: Drinks

Only Drink water or diet beverages and only do so in small sips. Keep drinking as much as you can. You can have the occasional wine or whiskey but stay the fuck away from beer, that dude is one bad mofo.

Step 5 : Snacks

HOLY FUCKING TEARS COMING OUT OF MY EYES! YOU CAN HAVE SNACKS TOO! Sure you can! Two snacks a day, a snack is anything you can buy for a dollar.

This qualifies as a full meal not a snack

Step 6: What the fuck are you retarded! I said there were 5 steps.

Follow this diet for 2 months and I can guarantee that you will lose some weight ... maybe.

This Diet is patented by the Bazella W Riz foundation.

Vault:

Happy Indecrapdence Day!

2009-11-28T12:09:00.001+02:00

Let's get serious for a bit:

Dead Serious

Yesterday I was driving home fresh out of a furry orgy at some guy's house, when out of the side-walks a masked vigilante dressed in green ran into the street! I quickly swerved to avoid the man and as I glanced into my rear-view mirror I saw him pick up a paper from the street and dodge oncoming traffic back to the pavement.

If you don't live in Lebanon or if you're totally oblivious, or if you've lost the use of your eyes, I'm talking about the workers for the Sukleen company who make sure that our country is clean and that we look good.

The real patriots

Not only do they have to wear the most ridiculous costumes which make them look like the French foreign legion, but they sit on garbage trucks all day breathing the fumes with no discernible protective gear and no health insurance as far as I know.

They receive minimum wage which is about 500 dollars a month and they are treated as non-persons by the community they serve. The fact is that the Lebanese are not getting cleaner, these guys are just getting better at cleaning our messes.

A few days ago was Lebanese independence day, and after the masses of Lebanese went outside to declare their pride in being citizens (guess who wasn't with them), the streets were left in a flood of litter and garbage. You can guess who cleaned up after them.

We don't deserve the Lebanese Citizenship! At least these people work their asses off, and have more motivation and job dedication than any Lebanese person I know (how many of you would risk your life to pick up a snickers wrapper in the middle of the high-way) Lebanon is built on their backs, and we treat them like garbage!

And what really twists my nipples even more is that some Lebanese people have the audacity to say that They should be thankful to us! Why? Because we are creating jobs by being filthy! Well, that's as retarded as saying that we should get people to wipe our asses for us to create more jobs! (more on that in another post)

So on the occasion of Lebanese indecrapdence please remember those who make it possible for you to exist, and who save you from wallowing in your own filth.

Vault:

Happy Adha

2009-11-27T14:20:00.002+02:00

Alright! I'm excited, are you guys excited?

In the annual killing of sheep celebration I would like to wish you all a very good Eid and I hope you will have a good day with your grandparents. After all it won't be long before they are either too senile or too dead for you to play awesome tricks and pranks on them.

Sheep

On another note :

This Adha....

The tables have turned!

The sheep have had enough, and in a one day sacrificial rampage no human will be safe.

Adha Mubarak Everyone!

I'm thankful too!!

2009-11-26T00:52:00.002+02:00

I'm thankful for

Ok this is a bad day, I'll be thankful tomorrow.
Oh, I'm thankful I'm not the guy in the vault picture below! or the guy in the chair under him!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-25T23:47:00.001+02:00

Ah Thanksgiving! A holiday meant to celebrate the merciless massacre of Indians and the birth of the greatest country in the World. America!

pictured above: one suave motherfucker

But that is not all that this holiday is about. It is also about recognizing what you have and being thankful for it. So this thanksgiving I will be listing a few things I'm thankful for.

I'm Thankful I'm not an orphan,

I'm thankful I'm not an amputee.

I'm thankful I'm not a quadriplegic,

I'm thankful I don't have an ugly face,

I'm thankful my uncle didn't rape me,

I'm thankful I'm not Michael Jackson,

I'm thankful I am not a Woman,

I'm thankful I don't have to sell my body for food,

I'm thankful I'm not blind,

and finally, I'm thankful I'm getting drunk while your reading this post. That is damn awesome.

Vault:

I can't look at the vagina post any longer

2009-11-19T10:50:00.003+02:00

I wish sometimes that time was not fluid, that i could stop it and look at it and escape from it or from life for a bit. It just seems that time goes faster than me sometimes and I can't do anything about it. The present is only the present for a second and then its already past. And If I'm too tired to do something about something right now its already too late and the more I'm late the more time passes and the more its late.
I just mean that sometimes its a bit sad how time passes by so fast not only because its fast but also because its irreversible and then the past is gone and its sometimes its so gone its like it never existed. And since we can never stop and never slow down and never pause and never go back then we're always moving forward and the only thing to hope for is the future so the past is nothing and it means nothing and it can do nothing and in a way its not even there anymore.
So then its useless and meaningless and then our whole lives are meaningless or not as important as we think because we live in a present that will be past in a second and then this past doesn't matter anymore when it becomes past because the only thing about to happen is the future and even that is not important because by the time it comes it will be past.

Hop in my Giant Vagina!

2009-11-14T10:34:00.002+02:00

So like any typical Saturday morning, I spent this one looking up images of giant vaginas on google. And then I came across this:

Some crazy feminist in Finland thought it would be a good idea to exercise twice a week by riding a bike around the city. But the time she spent exercising was time spent away from nagging Men in a really annoying voice about the role of women and the oppression of the labels of gender.

So she decided, what the hell, lets strap on a giant vagina on my bike and i'll give strangers rides around the city!

Even if I overlook the fact that this crazy ruined sex for me forever, I really don't see what message she is getting across. Unless its a commentary as to how Women are only good for getting men around, this giant vagina clearly belongs to a giant person who misses it deeply. I think it's about time we rid ourselves of prejudices against giant people and we live in a more tolerant world where women know their place. Shame on you Nazi feminist! Shame!

Vault:

The do's and don'ts of Diarrhea

2009-11-12T11:12:00.002+02:00

It has been the scourge of the spelling world for ages, a serious killer and a fantastic party trick. Yes it's Diarrhoea . My recent sickness has given me an upfront encounter with this fascinating illness. It is responsible for over 2 million deaths a year. That's 5479 deaths a day folks! I almost feel honoured to be hosting such a powerful disease in my body. Through these two days I've come to learn much about my tiny deadly friend as a result I have compiled for your viewing pleasure a list of:

The Do's and Don'ts of Diharrea:

Do take oral rehydration salts
Dehydration is the main reason people die from diharroea, oral rehydration salts will keep you hydrated and healthy until your liquid stream is over.

DO NOT take anal rehydration salts!
Just trust me on this one. It burns.

Do check your shit for blood
Knowing what kind of Dichorena is essential in knowing how to treat it. If you find blood in your stool it's probably a good idea to call a doctor. If you don't then sit it out for a day or two.

Do not check your shit for the face of Jesus
Do you really want to be the person calling the vatican to tell them you saw jesus in your toilet. You'd get the fastest excommunication in history.

Hello, pope? I'd like to report a miracle

Do check your shit for yesterdays lunch
This is one of the most fun and confusing things to pass time when you have dihorrea discovering that you shit out the complete mighty chicken platter you had at roadsters will give you minutes of joyous wonder.

I didn't have any corn!

Do not taste your shit for yesterdays lunch
Need I say more? (I'm looking at you dewey!)

Do stay within 5 minutes of a bathroom
You never know when an "emergency" will strike, the best way to avoid any embarrassment is to keep yourself within a 5 minute trip of a bathroom, and to avoid all long journeys. This experience comes from a painful event when I was 5.

Do not permanently sit on the crapper
We know that dihorrea can be an awful thing, but constructing a fortress of toilet paper in the bathroom is a sure path to death and a wrinkly butt. You want to have a life after your done and getting your butt stuck to the toilet seat kinda alienates your friends.

Do use your time efficiently to create shitty works of art

DO not use your time creatively to create artistic works of shit

100% natural and organic

Do install that computer game you havn't had time to play
The thing about Diarrea is that you have all the time to do the things you used to in school. Mainly blow the living fuck out of Zombies.

Do not download torrents of Porn
Yes it's true, you're not dreaming, lukewarm has actually advised against masturbation in this particular case. The reason is that you're already losing up to 3 litres of fluid a day and exhausting yourself with a marathon masturbation session is only going to make things worse... Unless it's star wars porn... it's ok if you die for that.

Better this will get...

Tips from Diharrea basics dot com:

If your rectal area becomes sore because of frequent bowel movements, or if you experience itching, burning, or pain during bowel movements:

Try warm baths. Afterwards, pat the area dry (do not rub) with a clean, soft towel.
Apply a hemorrhoid cream or white petroleum jelly to the anus.

Vault:

Winter is Here

2009-11-11T23:32:00.002+02:00

And so is our new layout.
Well colors, just like winter is not really here yet.

Yasmina is Tired

2009-11-11T09:57:00.002+02:00

I'm here, but not really here.
Keeping this blog alive is turning out a more arduous task than I had initially envisioned, turns out its not so easy to produce something one thinks is of meaning that often.
I've started another blog, where I just post pictures, things I'm doing for my courses, things I look at and I want to remember, bref, a visual summary of my thought process for the day, and that is so much easier. It turns out there are hundreds of sites designed to allow you to look at information, or articles, or products, or ideas being put out there, or whatever you want to call it, to like the things you look at, reblog them, save them, or keep them somewhere safe where the rain, the sun and the bombs won't harm them, aka the virtual space of the web. This means that everyday you could spend hours just browsing through a countless list of websites, other people's saved items, other peoples posted items, etc etc etc...
But then what I'm wondering is, ok we're in the age of information, ( Ha! Blake thought they were in the age of information in 1800 ) and we have all these resources and all these technological tools and all the access to them and more than enough food for thought, or is that what we're meant to believe? Sure we look at this stuff everyday and keep it and absorb it and rape it and whatever, but what are we really learning in the end? When there's so much coming into our brain what percentage of it is really sticking? and anyway when there's so much of it out there, what kind of value does it have anymore?
Before the web and the internet and connectivity and sharing information, there were books, there were thinkers, there were paintings, and there was the world out there and that was already much more than anyone could ever fully absorb in one lifetime, but at least it seemed finite, accessible, or at least there was an agreement on what was valuable enough to learn and look at and what wasn't. Today it seems to me that there's been so much added to this pool of "knowledge" but without any censorship, that I'm not sure anymore, whether our age of "information" is really about information, or just the pretense of it.

Lukewarm is sick

2009-11-10T22:20:00.000+02:00

Sorry for the lag. I've been busier than Obama in a bullet dodging contest held by Glen Beck.

I'm coming down with something wicked. My head hurts, my eyes are heavy, I have blurry vision and my ears are on fire. (That last part was done intentionally).

Most people would look on this situation with pessimism but not me!

I realize that I've been granted a golden opportunity to get thinner!

I miss you penis :(

I'm officially going into hibernation for the day. Too bad I will miss Maya Zankouls visit to AUB but I've been long due in reuniting with my nether regions.

So dear reader, after finishing my last cup of warm goat blood, I bid you adieu for at least a day.

Do you love your pets?

2009-11-06T13:58:00.000+02:00

Are you a religious God-loving person?

Do you take comfort in knowing that you have lived your life according to the religious laws, and that when the time comes you will be rewarded with eternal salvation?

Does it bother you that your beloved family pet, will be stuck on a fiery doom bound earth with no one to take care of them after the upcoming rapture?

Worry no more friend!

Eternal Earthbound Pets have an answer to your problems.

They have contractually found Animal loving atheists who are willing to cater to your pets long after you have passed on to bask in the holy light of our god and saviour!

Pictured Above: One of our committed employees hard at work

let's just google animal lov... oh dear.

For a small fee you too can enjoy a stress free eternity knowing that back on earth the sinners are being put to good use taking care of those left behind!

You can now enjoy the tormented screams of all those who didn't hear your dickish calls to reform in the park without having to worry about any beloved soulless pets that have remained behind.

If anyone in Lebanon would like to come to an agreement please do not hesitate to contact me.

Vault:

Surprising Offer!

2009-11-04T12:35:00.000+02:00

I was given a pamphlet outside AUB today offering fantastic surprise gifts with every laptop!

Now every society reaches a point when you just know that you've hit rock bottom, when companies start giving out mice and movie tickets to get you to buy their laptops then it's pretty clear that somewhere things have gone terribly wrong.

Pro-tip Multi-media megastore, people want to buy laptops because they're fucking laptops, and throwing in a 10 dollar mouse to sweeten the pot isn't going to win you that many customers.

Why not focus on selling cheaper shitty hardware from China instead of giving out stocks of mice that you tried to push on people and no one wanted so you're now giving them out with laptops!

Payce

Vault:

Monday Night thoughts

2009-11-04T09:38:00.004+02:00

The Bucket asked "What is my purpsoe?"
I told it "you are meant to carry water from one place to another"
It said "I don't believe you"
I said "ok"
The End

She's the kind of girl with breasts so big it gives her back problems.

Why is it that all of recent ideologies are focused on productivity of some kind. Catholics are focused on making more kids, capitalists focus on making more profit etc... There is a general consensus that life is about achieving shit, when one dies he is judged not by how he feels but what he has done.
That is horrible
Why are they not aimed at satisfaction and human happiness. These things are tossed aside as mistakes. But they should be the true measure of a life well spent. Cocks

Vault:

The Changing Face of Beirut

2009-11-02T20:49:00.002+02:00

Lebanon, and Beirut in particular, is defined by its lack of a single identity, by the influence of diverse cultures and civilizations that have inhabited it, by the juxtaposition of ancient Roman ruins, old traditional garden houses, modernist apartment buildings, and new soaring glass towers.
The “Lebanese Traditional House”, a building type that emerged during the period of the French mandate, and spread throughout the country in different variations from 1920 to the mid 1940’s, is perhaps the oldest remaining form of habitation, and one of the most important testaments to the rich culture and history of Beirut.
Characterized typologically by a Central Hall, around which rooms branched out in enfilade, and built from “Ramle” Sandstone, the Traditional Central Hall House recalled the Ottoman courtyard houses, but was also emblematic of Lebanese hospitality and rituals of communal living. The reception areas (central hall with two rooms on either side) were lit by a triple arcade on the South and North facades, providing ample light, heat in winter and cross-ventilation for the summer months. The bedrooms were lined on the east, for proper exposure to the morning sun. The kitchen and bathroom occupied the western side, the Southwest prevailing winds carrying the smells away from the house.
In the city, the traditional house was a bourgeois, single-family, Marseille-imported red-tiled roof construction, adorned with colored glass and Italian marble patterned tiles in spacious garden plots.
Soon, this type spread to the mountain villages, adapting itself to the topography, the climate, and the income level of its inhabitants. The elements were the same, a load-bearing Central hall, thick insulating stone walls, high ceilings, stone arcades and wooden shutters, but each house was different, no two Lebanese houses could ever look exactly the same.
With the growth of the city and the arrival of concrete, the Lebanese traditional house morphed into an apartment building, layering 4 or 5 central hall apartments that began to adapt in plan to the changing social customs of the society and to inspire typologically what residential architecture in Lebanon would become.
Yet these old Lebanese houses, in all their forms, were much more sustainable, luxurious and flexible than the new, cheap, cramped apartments and buildings built today.
The charm and eclecticism of Beirut is rapidly vanishing as every day several of these old structures are being demolished in order for developers to construct out-of-scale generic towers, saturating the city with 10 million dollar apartments that no Lebanese can afford. Today Lebanese businessmen, artists and old bourgeois families are struggling to preserve these old buildings, turning them into museums, offices, nightclubs, restaurants, or keeping them as luxurious villas. The richness of these constructions lies in their beautiful spatial qualities, their durability, in their ability to accommodate the climate change, and their immense flexibility, which incites every artist, architect or sensitive citizen to desire inhabiting them, myself included.
Sadly, I often wonder whether by the time I have enough money to buy one, there will still be one left erect.

BAZELLA W RIZ

Farewell

Passive Agressive compliments

One Line Movie Review: Up

What is the half life of Uranium?

Nostalgia

Thnakes on a plane

Bad habits

sweet sassy molassy

Sunday's get together

Blog's Birthday

Who's plucking a banjo over here?

Advertising. What is the meaning of cool?

The 5 things that will kill you this summer

Gather round children

Haikus

One Line Movie Review: 300

Summer is here

Irony is

Lukewarm Donates blood

Dark Days have come

Habibi

What your email carrier says about you

Welcome to Vero Moda previously known as Hamra

Bazella W riz Research

See you Sunday the 25th

This isn't chocolate!

A tink-a-tink tink

If you're bored then you're boring

Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

Under Ground

One Line Movie Review: Shutter Island

Akbar Minnak Biyom Afham Minnak Bi Sini

Urban Dictionary Definition of the now

T R I B U (T) E . B E I R U T

Bom Yeoreum Gaeul Gyeoul Geurigo Bom

Garbage Glorious Garbage

Copieuse

New* Lukewarm's One line Movie Reviews!

Crest 3d!

SPRING IS HERE!

Enjoy

A month in pictures and words

More on the poop theme

Re:The Language Dilemma

Dolphin Rights?

Put your faith in the youth

Know your poo

Paris Beirut je t'aime, moi non plus.

Quickie

Valentines day

Kunhadi is badass

*Urgent* Scientist finds Earth's gravitational pull increased on Feb 1st

Things My kids will never be turned on by (unnaturally)

Lukewarms goes on a Trip to the south

Lukewarm Ehtiopian Air-line crash

How to search for porn in AUB

What will tomorrow bring?

UNLEASH

Get rich quick!

Haiti brought it on themselves

Another serious/boring post about architecture. Lukewarm fans, you have been warned :)

The Number one song of 2009...

Quickie

Happy New Year!

Music in 2009

Post Celebration detox

*Spoiler Warning* Sherlock Homes

Merry Christmas Everyone!

The 12th day of Christmas

I never thought I'd say this but....

Don we now our gay apparel

The 11th day of Christmas

The tenth day of Christmas

The 9th day of Christmas

The 8th day of christmas

The 7th day of christmas

The 6th day of Christmas

On the fifth day of Christmas

The fourth day of Christmas

Urgent Scientist finds Earth's gravitational pull increased on Feb 1st

Spoiler Warning Sherlock Homes