Sad September post

Well seems like I'll be using swear free September for more non-canon posting, though this time I'm not so sober.

This is going to be a sad post. So I want the two viewers from the Maldives to stay behind. The rest of you can go ahead and scroll down to see the vault picture.


This post is linked to one I made before.

I had to say good-bye to a good friend today. One of the last few remaining in Lebanon. She was going on to a better life, one where I have aspired to follow, a place where there are muggings, soup kitchens, and general degeneracy.

I am not an emotional person. Bambi left me too scarred to feel anything after I turned 5, But saying good-bye today, and checking off another one from the list, I was a little moved.

Mother? Mooother!

... noo0o!

The only person who ever loved me is dead. I am alone and helpless in a cruel uncaring world. I'm so lonely. I feel cold and afraid :'(

I knew that inevitably we would never be friends like we were again. We would drift apart, stop telling each other about our lives, and then have awkward short lived reunion orgies.

Sadly bidding farewell to someone who is leaving for a long time is equivalent to losing the bond you have.

You'll never hear stories of sexual conquest, never be there to watch them turn to nervous pathetic wrecks, never get to watch them cry bitterly over their latest abortion, all these moments... forever lost.

This post is in memory of all those ties lost to travel and the pursuit of better lives. Thank you for helping us make room for new better friends.


Gets me every time. Damn you Disney!!


Vault: Two to get over the video you just watched

Look what I found (2)

Before starting let me just clarify a few things that the uninitiated have been wondering about.

1. The change in blog colour was due to the change in season. Colour changes 4 times a year per Lebanese season switches.
2. For those who come here expecting food recipes, we don't do that kind of thing
3. There are two main bloggers in this blog, some of you may have not picked up on this despite the subtle style variations, but you can tell which post is for whom by going to the bottom of the post and seeing the "posted by" label. And by the fact that I have a Penis! (heyo!)

Now let's move on shall we:

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This September!
From the people that brought you Jewogle!
Comes a brand new website from the very depths of the internet.
WIKIFEET!



A website dedicated to bringing you the most comprehensive collection of celebrity feet!

What makes this site really stand out is the feet rating system. If you're anything like us (and we have no reason to assume you're not) You don't want to waste your precious internet time looking at mediocre feet. So it helps to know what the rest of the feet community think about this particular celebrity.

This tool is essential if you don't want to run across any tasteless soles while browsing feet heaven. (Is dat some punz?)

Check out the piggly wigglies on that one! Vavoom!

Incidentally all the pictures seem to be of female celebrities... hmmm

Man I wish they'd mover her boobs, face and ass out of the picture, oh and the bathtub

I was thinking of finishing off with a joke about how they wouldn't mind living in places with intense hijab enforcement, but I decided not to go there again.

After browsing the net for a bit I am actually now a big fan of foot fetish, I have been converted and can see the appeal in it. All the sensuality of the female figure fit into the bare arch from toe to ankle.

Incidentally all the foot fetish porn sites are also exclusively of female feet... hmmm

Excuse me while I go stare at the baby botte ad outside my flat. Later.

Vault:

More things to do in Lebanon

4- Sanayeh, Beirut.
One of the oldest quarters of the extra-muros city, the old arts and crafts neighborhood is full of old abandonned buildings, climbing vines, and the Sanayeh public garden, built by the French in the 60's, which was also the site for hangings during the civil war.

5- Tyre and Nacoura

The Southern Tip of Lebanon, one of the oldest port cities of the country, white sandy beaches, banana fields on the road through the beautiful south, and the amazing clean blue sea. 

Maybe She's born with it

Do you ever feel like that morning cup of extra strong coffee just isn't enough?
Do you suffer from less than perfect looks because of your demanding late night eat/binge cycle?
Do you feel envy when your husband looks longingly in your 11 year old daughter's sparkling eyes?
Well looks like the good folks at Garnier have just the thing for you!

The latest advance in cosmetic products has arrived! Caffeine in your eyeballs!

Oh yeah! That's the stuff

Let's listen to what the company has to say about the product:

"Our first-ever roll-on to hydrate, cool & refresh tired-looking eyes.
Enriched with Caffeine, the roll-on is a handbag must-have, great for on-the-go women. The cooling moisturiser contains Caffeine and Pro-vitamin B5 for a bright eyed look!"

Amazing isn't it. Now you don't have to wait for that pesky digestion to kick in before you get your caffeine. Bypassing your stomach, you can now apply the caffeine directly where you need it most, and without all those pesky calories!

Years of research and science have yielded the hottest thing since the Garnier Pimple Pen! This caffeine eyeroll pushes the envelope on beauty, making sure that the next generation will be even more self centered and self concious than the one that came before it!

He isn't wearing a labcoat because he's black!

We at Garnier are all about bringing you, the customer, the best in debilitating and crippling social anxieties, and we do it because we care!

Let's look at some of the feedback from our satisfied customers:

Lydia Brown: "before using Garnier Eyeroll, I could never look my customers in the eye, but now knowing that someone's got my back, I can give head with eye contact for hours before I lose that sparkling shine!"

Boelyn Factor: " Being a fashion conscious mother I never seem to have time to look good. Garnier Eyeroll has really helped me keep myself presentable when time seems to be short. What between cooking, cleaning, and having an affair I just don't know how I survived without it!"

Sarah Newman: " Once you realize that seeing the world in colour is totally overrated Garnier Eyeliner will help you look good for any situation"

Maria Jones: "Oh God it burns! Stop the pain! Please stop! xczbjsvd"

Joseph Fritzl: " before I just couldn't keep my hands off my teen daughter, but ever since my wife started using Garnier Eyeroll I havn't gone to the basement once!"

The company is also in the process of releasing an entire line of caffeine related merchandise, including, caffeine anal bleach, and caffeine deodorant!

Bazella W riz would like to commend the efforts of Garnier for making the world a more beautiful place for our children!

The Vault:

Things to do In Lebanon

I'm going to New York in a few days, and I've been thinking a lot about things to see and do in New York. And then I started thinking about Lebanon, and how much there is to do here, and places that tourists never get to know and see. There is so much richness and difference in Lebanon, that amazes me, and I wish I could show everyone.
So here is my personal Lebanon to do/see list. 

1- Joun : Where I'm from
A little village in the Chouf, with a beautiful view of the sea, gorgeous grassy plains along the road, and its very own famous ruins, the tomb of Lady Hester Lucy Stanhope, a british heiress of the 18th century, who is remembered by history as an "intrepid traveller".

2- Baskinta : My beautiful Site 

A gorgeous clearing after a dense pine forest, surrounded by the Sannine mountains, facing the sea. 

3- Riyyaa' : The Forgotten Past

An abandoned train in the midst of the Bekaa Valley, rusted tracks and a hanted house.

These are my three selections for today.

Tomorrow: Tripoli, Tyre and Byblos. 

What the Hell Nature!

What would warrant two posts in the same day! The weather, and i wanted to leave you with a vault picture.

It's raining outside. Well now it stopped I think but before that it was pouring like hell. I was thinking of writing a post about how I remember October being cold, and for the last few years it wasn't getting cold till November.

Well it's clear that the weather is changing, slowly yet surely. This isn't Europe, our seasons don't mix, summer is summer, and winter is winter. This wishy washy crap is only for that hippy climate on that hippy continent.

Well not anymore I guess. Coming home the water had nowhere to go, because all the drainage holes were clogged with garbage, so a huge puddle of water collected on the crossing coming to where I live. A puddle so big it could have engulfed my car. Apparently someone in a Mercedes ML was speeding along hit that "puddle" and trashed their car. I'm not sure if anyone was hurt but I heard a girl screaming "my baby, my baby" across the street. I think she wasn't talking about the car. Anyway the effects of global warming are real and we're past the point where we can stop or avoid it. As one dude in that lecture once said, "the changing climate threatens the very existence of the human race, if we survive, know for sure that what will come will be a radically different society than the one we have now." Well let's hope some of us make the transition, because this guy was talking about something happening as early as 2050.

here is a link to a really cool article on how we're going to get screwed.

Vault:

on which side do you stand!

Look What I found

Hey,

Sorry for the delayed update.

I'm currently blogging from the AUB Libraries. The good news, we aren't banned here, and all non-summer students have regained access to internet! The bad news, I have no access to the vault, and the keyboard on this computer is sticky.

Anyway, moving on, today I bring you news from the internet, and a bit of info about Lebanon.








I stumbled upon this little jewel (pun intended) thinking it was a joke.

Turns out it's real, it's a search site that lets you find famous (and maybe soon all) Jews alive and dead.

I'm having trouble imagining the person who came up with this venture. S/he is either maniacally diabolical or pitifully clueless.

Pretty soon this is going to be the favourite tool used by terrorists in locating possible targets.


I also expect it to be a mainstay in anti-jewish homes the world over.

Yeees, seek them out! Find the Jews!

Many a friendly neighbour will be lost to this. And even worse what if time-traveling Nazis got a hold of this! I know I know you're thinking, "but Lukewarm that's highly improbable!" Well then you clearly haven't seen this!

Time Travelling Nazi's!!

Well that's it for my mindless rambling, man this AUB setting really ruins mental flow.

Since I have no access to the vault i'll leave you with this job-search information which I have come to realize.

As of last year in October the minimum wage is now 500,000 L.L. per month. Since the legal working week has 48 hours and a month has about 4 weeks This means that the minimum wage per hour is 2,600 l.l. !

So I guess those Spinneys interviewers were right. Guess I owe them an apology... and some teeth.

Very dry and sober post

This R Siryus Post!

Dry as powdered milk

Seeing as it is Sober September I might as well take this opportunity to delve into some serious topics. Casual reader you have been warned.


Moving on with all three remaining blog readers let's set out the topic for this post. I want to discuss one of the main problems plaguing Lebanon.

well, one of the other lesser problems at least

As many of you may know Lebanon was officially declared an independent country in November of 1943. Before that from 1920 the country of greater Lebanon was under French Colonial rule.

As a result Lebanon has adopted much of France's 3rd Republic system of laws and bureaucracy which are infamous for being unwieldy and which are widely acknowledged to have led to France's defeat in WW2. Well that was the reason the French gave but everyone knows it was because the French are total wusses. Incidentally France is now in its Fifth Republic.

Under Colonial rule the French came to civilize educate and generally rx%# the s#$@ out of the country. They instituted a form of rule in which technically there was a parliament (filled with christians) and there was a President (christian) and a Prime Minister (Did you guess Christian? well you're wrong). They theoretically set up a judiciary branch based on their laws (where homosexuality is illegal), a legislative branch, and an executive branch, all of which would keep each other in check.

They also left us with a legacy of general Frenchiness which has eluded and will probably continue to elude our best efforts of being purged.

Hon Hon Hon, feed me ze cheeze

Mother of God!

But That was just a façade, the French didn't go to all this civilizing trouble to sit in the passenger seat, they wanted to take the reigns. The real power structure was that there was a French "High" Commissioner who everyone reported to and who everyone had to visit for their blessing. Kinda like the patriarch or the grand Mufti today but with much more flair and cheese breath.

"I find your lack of cheese toast disturbing"

The Grand Commissioner sat at the head of the executive branch, and the executive branch became an unchallengeable authority which meant that the other two branches could do nothing to stop it.

this was generally the standard colonial policy all over the world. Give an overbearing hand to the executive branch so that they could essentially override both of the other branches.

In addition to giving the High Commissioner ultimate power! and control they also supplemented him with his own army of French bureaucrats.

By assigning a French-man to every major (and many minor) executive position, the high commissioner made sure that all his visions for a pure world were carried out. Sure there was a Lebanese counterpart to every Frenchman but his role was merely advisory.

Did I say pure? I meant ... not that.

This made sense, because the colonial power could claim the illusion of an elected government all the while keeping the reigns in its own hands.

Now come French withdrawal no one thought to change this system, the High Comissioner was just replaced by some Lebanese Dude and as a result all the way up to the civil war the executive branch has wielded power essentially unchallenged by any of the other branches. After the civil war the President's powers were given to the Prime Minister, achieving what is referred to in the structural reform camp as dick shit.

Which brings us to one of the problems today. None of the other branches of government are empowered or independent enough to keep the executive branch in check. Judges complain like bitches, and parliament is stuck in a circlejerk chain. (thank you google for that image)

If you clicked the google link you'll need this for detox

So can we blame the French for our current woes?

Psychology would say no. This is the same as blaming your emotionally abusive parents for being a perverted child molester. The instant you walked out of home leaving behind a trail of corpses you became responsible for your own actions. Sure they may have scarred you for life, but it's about what you do with that new-found independence and you chose to piss in the mouths of three year olds; It's pretty much your own fault.

Lebanon had a chance to make things better in the 1940's, then again in the 1960's when there was prosperity, and even after the civil war, but it never did and that is why we can't keep blaming the French for this particular fault.

On a tangential note, The number one country Lebanon imports from is France. And what do we import, (other than bad taste and funny accents) mainly high end products like diamond studded Louis Vuitton fur coats made from the blood of a thousand orphan Koala's.

Not to make light of this tragedy this on the other hand is one area where we can blame France. They have sown the seeds of Language and trade ties and have reaped the benefits. Who said colonialism doesn't pay.


Hey look we got through it fine. I knew you guys could take some serious stuff!

Vault:



Disclaimer: this post only loosely based on historical factual accuracy.

New song by Shakira not about transvestites.. probably

When I heard Shakira's new song "She Wolf" on the Radio I could immediately tell that the video to this song was going to give my libido an intense workout. Knowing her past flirtation with bestiality I was expecting her to outdo herself!

And boy was I disappointed!

She could've done a lot more with the she-wolf concept, although the skin coloured suit was a nice touch and all that panting made for a really sexual song, unfortunately there was no real Woman/Wolf contact. It left me wanting more and not in a good way.

Maybe she needs to look back and take some lessons from Christina Aguilera.

Real Skin Suit! Brilliant!

I've embedded the video for your enjoyment. But I really feel that if a singer wants to pull of the whole sexual enticement thing they really have to sell it. Shakira left me feeling cold and completely unbonerfied, well maybe half mast.


Although other people thought otherwise, a comment left on the youtube track for the song is all the review you need:

"kalaga80 (20 minutes ago) Show Hide

I'm masturbating 4 time whenever I watch this video clip.."

Clip | Shakira : She Wolf
Uploaded by Henrietta-Aime-Fumer_Tv. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

On an unrelated note, since google purchased youtube the company has totally shaped up and the only videos found on the site are ones that are legal, more commonly known as boring. There is now an entire department looking through every video to make sure that no copyright infringement occurs. If you're looking for good videos, music, or some family guy clips the place to go is dailymotion.


Vault:

Jim Carrey Was a Janitor!

Turns out there are a bunch of stars who had less than fortunate backgrounds. This is the list in which I'll try to list some of them ... in which some of them I will list:

Jim Carrey

Famous for his unforgettable role in "The Mask" and his abilities as a comedian, Carrey has also had forays into serious Genres many of which sucked and some of which changed the history of the world forever. He worked as a Janitor when he was 16 after he dropped out of school. "When the family's finances continued to sink, the Carreys lost their home and lived in a Volkswagen van, traveling to various campgrounds on the outskirts of Toronto."


In retrospect dumb and dumber seems to make a lot more sense now.

I didn't know any better, my father was a Bum! :'(

Demi Moore

Recently famous for marrying Ashton Kutcher, but before that she was famous for her awesome rack and face and for being a generall all around bombshell. At the wedding ceremony many of the guests looked around yelling "punked, we've been punked right?"

I'll let wikipedia do the talking for this one.

"she was named Demetria after a beauty product her mother saw in a magazine. Her biological father, Charles Harmon, left her mother, after a two-month marriage, before Moore was born. As a result, Moore had the surname of her stepfather, Danny Guynes . Danny Guynes, who committed suicide in 1980, frequently changed jobs; as a result the family moved a total of forty times. Moore's parents were alcoholics and often fought and beat each other. Moore was cross-eyed as a child, and wore an eye patch in an attempt to correct the problem until it was eventually corrected by two surgeries. She also suffered from kidney dysfunction."

So basically her mom names her after eye-liner which goes bankrupt, her biological dad walks out when she's 2 months old, her step dad commits suicide. Everything she touches dies!

Not now Spiderman!

Come to think of it, the whole marrying Ashton Kutcher thing makes sense now.

You've been punked!

Brad Pitt

Famous for looking good and marrying Angelina Jolie, and Jeniffer Aniston. He has proven himself a worthy actor capable of showing off his abs in a wide variety of roles.

Even without his last name Brad Pitt had to overcome some serious challenges as a kid. (If you search armpits on google you can find a shitload of sick ass porn. What the fuck hell internet!, seriously though don't click the link)

Pitt attended Kickapoo High School, "While struggling in Los Angeles, Pitt took on various occasional jobs. These jobs ranged from chauffeur, to dressing up as an El Pollo Loco chicken to pay for his acting classes."

pictured above: Brad Pitt

Next time you meet a guy wearing a condom suit at the mall, just imagine that underneath all that lube lies a potential Brad Pitt.

Although more likely inside lies a Giant Dick. Heyo!

Sharon Stone

Sharon Stone is most famous for her role in Basic Instinct, and for perfecting the art of opening your legs. She's a famous jerk-face fruit salad bowl, she converted to Scientology, then Buddhism, and is great at saying insensitive things and wasting loads of money as a humanitarian!

Oh she also worked at Mc-Donalds which is why she's on this list.
There is not much family trauma here but go ahead and save that picture for later use.

Rosario Dawson

First Famous for her role in Josie and the Pussycats, Later for kickass roles in Men in Black 2, Sin City, and a bunch of other cool movies. She also starred opposite to some guy who made her orgasm using a feather because he was taking a bet on how long he could last without exercising his mojo. By exercising I mean sex and by mojo I mean penis. Let's not dwell on that though.

The story behind Rosario is heart breaking/warming. Her mom was Puerto Rican, her Dad was an African plumber. They were poor, so her mom broke into a condemned building wired an apartment to get electricity and water and that's where they lived till Rosario hit it big when she was discovered sitting at her doorstep.

Respect.

Vault: