Sunday, April 11, 2010

This isn't chocolate!

Are you suffering from excess weight? Do your co-workers call you fatty mcgee behind your back?  Do children poke you with a stick and run away laughing? Have you been recently mistaken for a member of the opposite sex?

What the Shit!

Then you my friend need to lose some weight!

I know it's hard to face yourself at the moment, you can barely move that flab you call a body to the phone to order your favourite triple whopper with fried bacon cheese, but there is hope for you yet fatass.

Imagine if you will a world where you can eat anything you like, where butter flows like water, and no matter how much you stuff your overweight face you retain a perfect six pack figure.

Well Imagine no more!

The diet centre in Lebanon has just what you need you overweight potato sack. Products made with Olestra butter. Olestra looks like fat, smells like fat, and even tastes like fat, but your body can't digest it! Yes even you you fat bastard.

You can cook all your favourites. fat grilled pork, fried fat doughnuts , and deep fat fried fat with maple syrup! And all of this without gaining any calories! In fact Olestra's 8 polymer structure means that not only does your body reject it but that it binds to existing fat molecules and drags them through your intestines, just like a Nickelback song.

Let's take a look at some reviews from satisfied customers:

Sarah: I'll never be the same again.
Shakib: It left skidmarks on my underwear!
Stephanie: So painful.
George: I spent a week on the toilet because my ass was leaking!

Olestra is so slippery your body can hardly keep it inside, this may cause some unfortunate side effects,  but what is dignity in exchange for weight loss? Give us a break, you have no dignity, we saw you eating that sticky caramel popcorn from the seat in the cinema, dignity is a concept you don't have fatty!


I have nothing against the diet center, just thought their advertising was stupid.


Thousand Reds said...

HAHAHAHA! "My ass was leaking!" Loool!

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