What your email carrier says about you:
You created this account sometime in the early 1990's and have been using it since then. In your inbox you have forwards from your grandmother lying right next to porn site subscriptions you made all too hastily in your youth and now have no idea how to get rid of. You are too attached to your first e-mail address which all your friends know you by to risk changing to anything else, although in retrospect hammer_dick347 may have been one of the worse decisions you made over the years.
In 1995 you were the shit, you were a cutting edge hipster donning air-jordans watching MTV and shoving younger kids into trash cans in your free time. Today you still live under the impression that nothing has changed, but just like those tattered air-jordans, your life smacks of a nostalgic simpler age, when you used to be cool and people respected you.
You are up to current internet trends and feel smug about it. Carry on
Hello Grandma! I see your computer is back from the shop. I hope you are enjoying your windows 95 Internet Explorer 6 enhanced experience. It's only a matter of minutes before another virus takes you offline for the next 6 months. It's been nice chatting to you.
You are a vegetable.