Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Lukewarm Donates blood

L walks into a bustling room and yells "who wants some blood!"

The clamouring masses throng around the half-god half-awesome mortal. "Now now, only one of you can have a part of me *cough*penis*cough* inside them, I guess you guys will just have to fight for it."

Out of nowhere a man brings a gilded chair for me to sit on as I watch the game com-

"Mr Warm! ... Mr Warm! ... It's your turn now"

"huh, what?" I look up and there silhouetted in light is a slightly disgusted nurse prodding me with her foot "damn that is some good water you serve at this facility" I yell in a voice that is needlessly loud.

"umm, That's thinner you're drinking, and you're currently in the janitors closet"

"So I am" I say stoically as I shield my eyes from the bright sterile lights outside.
 Pure Magic

I stumble my way into a white room filled with black patio chairs.

"Alright Mr Warm" Said the Nurse " We just have to ask you a few questions"
"bring it on Nurse babycakes"
Sighing she pulls out a checklist
"So you are O+ is that right"
" It took jimmy and me half an hour to figure out how to do those blood tests and goshdarn if I wasn't O+ 60% of the time"
"Ah yes you know if you can't trust your local drug dealer who can you trust? Ey"  I say as I poke the guy sitting in the chair next to me with my elbow "Am I right or am I right?"

"Sir that is a doll the interns practice on"

"So it is" I say stoically, "Damn that's some good thinner"
I'm so fucked right now

"Alright Mr. Warm, If we didn't need blood so bad, I would have thrown you out 5 minutes ago, lets just get this over with"

"Do you regularly use needles that put you in a risk of contracting HIV"
"Have you recently paid for sex"
"I tried but they don't accept splashmountain coupons"
"Did you recently come in sexual contact with anyone who may have HIV"
"does my hand count"

Though admittedly I do use protection

" Mr Warm If you don't take this seriously we will have no choice but to-"
"Listen nurse baby cakes, your gown is making me so hot right now I may just need to marry you"
"Dude! I'm a balding middle aged man"
"Love knows no bounds nurse baby cakes" I grab for her trying to sweep her off her feet, she is surprisingly heavy in the process I hit my head on a wall.

I wake up later lying on a black couch with my arm hurting like hell. I see a strangely familiar ugly dude walking up to me.
"I see you're finally up, we took advantage of your situation and withdrew your blood while you were out"
"Where is nurse baby cakes" I ask puzzled
"I am nurse baby cakes" he sighs resignedly
Looking him over "So you are" I say stoically "Damn that's some good thinner"
I pick at the plaster pasted on my arm "I must commend you on that fine figure you have sir"

"Normally I wouldn't do this, but you just saved this guys life" He said "His daughter asked if she could meet you, follow me please"

Feeling lightheaded I follow nurse baby cakes to a small room where an aging man is lying in a bed and his daughter is sitting next to him.

" I want to thank you" The woman says in a tired voice "it is because of kindhearted people like you-"

"Alright old dude," I cut her off and lean over the man in the  bed "here is the deal I now own 1/8th of your body, and therefore 1/8th of all profits you make from now till you die will be mine"

The old guy makes some inaudible moaning "also I must warn you of some side-effect of having my blood in your body, don't be surprised if it spends most of its time in your penis giving you raging boners"
Ever since that damn blood transfusion!

At this point a horrified nurse babycakes is catching the fainting daughter, I take advantage of this to seal the deal. "put it there partner" I spit in my hand and give him a long hard handshake breaking some of his fingers so he knows I am no pushover.

Life is good.



lulee said...

I wonder how he is dealing with the side effects...

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