Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Bazella W riz Research

We wanted to know how many people pull their underwear and pants all the way down to their ankles when they go to the bathroom. We decided to apply some science to get some answers!

mmmm, science

We hit up Hamra street to survey people's bathroom going attitudes. We took a videocam but sadly someone confiscated our footage. Something about public exposure and indecency. What follows is a transcript of events.

BWR: Ma'm do you pull your pants all the way to your ankles when you pee?
Lady 1: What the fuck! Get out of the dressing room.
BWR: (while being dragged out) By the way, that dress makes your ass look fat.

BWR: Do you pull your pants to your ankles when you pee!
Kid 1: I'm a baby I don't even wear pants. lol.

BWR: Miss do you pull your underwear to your ankles when you pee
Lady 2: I'm not wearing any panties ;)
BWR: I... right.

BWR: Sir we are conducting important research on Lebanese bathroom habits would you care to participate.
Dude 1: Would you mind talking to someone else, I'm kinda in the middle of something.
BWR: Excellent, the question is do you pull your underwear and pants all the way to your ankles when in the bathroom?
Dude 1: I, what? Listen I really can't talk right now. Can't you see I'm  trying to direct traffic here.
BWR: It's just one question
Dude 1: You little fuckers, stop that! give me back my hat!
BWR: It's for SCIENCE! the fate of our future is in your hands.
Dude 1: Fuck, fine I pull them all the way down.
BWR: That is disgusting, how can you live with yourself! (Yelling) Hey everyone, this guy here wipes his underwear on the floor when he pees!
And that was when we lost the camera.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

See you Sunday the 25th

Would you look at this shit. That's some secularism right there. Brought to you all the way from the enlightenment.

I expect all readers of this blog to attend. I will be there at Ain El Mraisseh and I look forward to rubbing up against all of you, especially if you're hot. This isn't about showing anyone anything (unless it's your tits in my face) this is about representin.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

This isn't chocolate!

Are you suffering from excess weight? Do your co-workers call you fatty mcgee behind your back?  Do children poke you with a stick and run away laughing? Have you been recently mistaken for a member of the opposite sex?

What the Shit!

Then you my friend need to lose some weight!

I know it's hard to face yourself at the moment, you can barely move that flab you call a body to the phone to order your favourite triple whopper with fried bacon cheese, but there is hope for you yet fatass.

Imagine if you will a world where you can eat anything you like, where butter flows like water, and no matter how much you stuff your overweight face you retain a perfect six pack figure.

Well Imagine no more!

The diet centre in Lebanon has just what you need you overweight potato sack. Products made with Olestra butter. Olestra looks like fat, smells like fat, and even tastes like fat, but your body can't digest it! Yes even you you fat bastard.

You can cook all your favourites. fat grilled pork, fried fat doughnuts , and deep fat fried fat with maple syrup! And all of this without gaining any calories! In fact Olestra's 8 polymer structure means that not only does your body reject it but that it binds to existing fat molecules and drags them through your intestines, just like a Nickelback song.

Let's take a look at some reviews from satisfied customers:

Sarah: I'll never be the same again.
Shakib: It left skidmarks on my underwear!
Stephanie: So painful.
George: I spent a week on the toilet because my ass was leaking!

Olestra is so slippery your body can hardly keep it inside, this may cause some unfortunate side effects,  but what is dignity in exchange for weight loss? Give us a break, you have no dignity, we saw you eating that sticky caramel popcorn from the seat in the cinema, dignity is a concept you don't have fatty!


I have nothing against the diet center, just thought their advertising was stupid.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

If you're bored then you're boring

I was at a wedding recently. It was really nice. When the papers were signed and bittersweet jokes about the iron clad bond of eternity in front of god had been made someone while shaking my hand told me "You're next!".

I'm not sure if I read this in another blog or if it was a comedian or a book, but I remember someone talking about this same exact situation and I had the same exact reaction. It was as if I was handed a death sentence.

I'm next! But I don't want to be next! I'm not  ready! And Even if I was, now I don't want to go through with it till someone else does it just so you don't feel smug about your prophecy. I'll be waiting at the next funeral to tell them the same thing.