Monday, July 26, 2010

Passive Agressive compliments

Those stripes almost make it seem like you're not fat anymore... almost.

That blue shirt really distracts from your horrible face acne

Nice going with that bracelet, I can barely see the horrible scarring on your wrists

Maybe it's the make-up or something but I don't want to kick you in the face today

Keep it up mom.


Saturday, July 24, 2010

One Line Movie Review: Up

Man's wife dies setting him free to go on an amazing adventure. The end.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


Back in the 1990's when the X-Files had more sexual tension than a gender segregated rabbit farm one T.V. show stood out from among a crowd of crappy laugh track comedies, "The Adventures of Brisco County Junior"

With his well chiselled face and tacky one-liners, and his partner/nemesis Brisco and Bowler go out raping and pillaging the shit out of the wild west   being chivalrous.

I'm not sure what jogged my memory about this, Brisco was the best TV role model I ever had. 

Here is to you Brisco county junior.

Brisco County Junior? Come on!

Dixie: "Look, I want no part of this. I'm not against parenthood as an institution, but I'm not ready to be institutionalized."

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Thnakes on a plane

L walks into the living room and notices his brother watching the TV.

L: Oh hey, I didn't know Samuel L Jackson was in a parody of Snakes on a plane
B: (Eyes dead set on the screen) This isn't a parody... this is the actual movie
L: (Taking a seat eyes glued to the screen) What the fuuuu...

15 minutes later
L: uuuu

30 minutes later
L: uuuuuu

1.5 hours later
L: uuuuuuuck

L: That was terrible yet strangely hypnotic.
B: Indeed, let us hold hands and skip gayly into the sunset brotherino.
L: Heydidlydokle


The end.


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Bad habits

When I was a wee lad of the age of 5-10ish I used to have a nasty habit of sucking my index finger while plucking and sniffing pieces of wool from a blanket I used to cover myself with.

Now as you can imagine it was quite a concern for my parents (though I do not quite know why) and they wanted me to stop, initially they tried painting my finger with some bad tasting unguent but I kept sucking on, next they took away my blanket but I just kept sucking on, it seemed nothing they did really worked... until one day my mother came up with the genius idea of telling me that if I kept sucking at this rate the little knob on my finger will roll all the way round to the bottom and I will be unable to move it for the rest of my life.

Fuck I thought, maybe it is time to stop sucking, and just like that I stopped. To this day I do not know if that story was a lie or not, and I am still terrified of sucking my finger. Judging from the looks of These people It's probably best that I stopped. *shudders*

Parental lies are a common tool for telling your children what's good for them but at what cost ? For example today I know that my grandfather did not discover boiled potatoes, that finishing my plate wont help starving kids (it'll make it worse by driving up demand), that a witch doesn't live in mansourieh where my Mom can leave us if we aren't good, that a honeymoon does not actually take place on the moon... I can only wonder how many other things I think I know are true but are not, to be sure it did give ample opportunity for the other kids to make fun of me on the playground.


Thursday, July 08, 2010

sweet sassy molassy

It turns out the teenagers of the world were right, unmade beds are better!

In an article published about a week ago "researchers" discovered that leaving your bed unmade would kill off dust mites and leave you  healthier. It was also found that an untidy bed decreased your chances of being called a douche and raised the probability that you would get laid.

When asked for comment the 20 year old scientists said "Far out man, like this is going to change the whole power relationship bra" Experts expect that this small chink in the armor of parental authority, long suffering from the vagaries of self help books and Dr. Phil, may be what ultimately brings down parenting as we know it.

Carol (not her real name) a mother of three voiced her concern that all these studies are jeopardizing her hold over her children "first the beds, next it'll be the toilet seats, before you know it we'll be lucky if they pick up their toys and get potty trained!"

Already several revolutionary groups have formed and dismantled in their parent's basements at the time of publishing. While no official statement has been made yet, we have been informed that possible names for these groups may be "chad's group" "The fart rockets" "dick cock vagina" and "The most awesome group ever".

Monday, July 05, 2010

Sunday's get together

Thank you everyone who helped make yesterday a super fun night. It was a pleasure meeting all of you and I hope we can get together again sometime soon.

Below are some pictures from yesterday:

First we had some cake.

Yasmina wasn't impressed with my choice

Things didn't go so well

We I played some Frisbee and everyone went home

Happy Anniversary

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Blog's Birthday


We'll be there from 7 to 9pm and it's ONE SHOT Per sentient entity.

*******Update end******

Hey everyone!

We will be having a celebration for our one year anniversary on July 4th at Kayan in Jemmayzeh. Drop on by on Sunday night and we'll buy you a shot.

Tell the bartenders "Bazellawriz" and they will give you the shot of your choice.

See you there.

P.S: Look for us in the giant green pea costumes :D

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Who's plucking a banjo over here?

Here is something I want to know. How in the fuck do we keep getting more followers?

I swear all I do in this place is throw insults and think of new ways to mix fuck with other words in the English language.

I love you guys, each and every one of you.

 Also this from the vault today:

This came from here