Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

annnnd we're off to Istanbul for some well earned VA-CA-TION and fun! (well, maybe not that well earned).
We should be somewhere in the middle of map 1 right now! :)

Topkapi, here we come!

Beirut - Istanbul

Airport - Hostel

Under Ground

What If...I woke up yesterday last year?

March 29, 2009

Sometimes, beauty is beyond representation

Belloruskaya Station, Moscow. April 1, 2009.

Mayakinskaya Station, Moscow. April 3, 2009.

Mayakinskaya Station, Moscow. March 30, 2009.

Kropotkinskaya Station, Moscow. April 2, 2009

Kropotkinskaya Station, Moscow. April 2, 2009

Smolenskaya Station, Moscow. April 1, 2009.

Park Kultury, Moscow. March 29, 2009.

Park Kultury, Moscow. March 29, 2009

One Line Movie Review: Shutter Island

Shutter Island

** Spoiler **
Spoiler means that reading this review will spoil the movie for you!

**SPOILER**
**Friggin Spoiler**
Mental patient, uncured by revolutionary treatment, gets a lobotomy.
The End


YEAHHHHHHHH!

Akbar Minnak Biyom Afham Minnak Bi Sini

"Akbar Minnak Biyom Afham Minnak Bi Sini" Why is it that this term was a favourite in the school-yard but not so much so anywhere else. I have not heard the term since I graduated High school. I don't know what got me thinking about it now but it is amusing how much power age-difference used to wield in the younger years. Not so any more I'm afraid. Why just tonight I gave the finger to a 60 year old waiter, drank shots with a 20 year old prostitute and  threw up on a hundred year old staircase (what).

Now that we are out in the real world the only thing that really matters is money! Observe:

L: Waiter Bring me a Double Malt Whiskey
W: A What?
L: Are you deaf! A double Malt Whiskey! Now!
W: (goes to bar and comes back) I (Stutters) I don't think there is such a thing.
L: What! This is an outrage! Where is the manager!
M: Is there a problem sir.
L: Yes there is a fucking problem! (Slurring Speech) I ordered a damn double malt whiskey, and by my aliterating ass I shall have a double malt whiskey!
M: Sir I really must tell you there is no such thing as a double malt whiskey.
L: (fans out some dollars and waves them around)
M: Why didn't you get this man a double Malt Whiskey!
W: but.. but.. t
M: You're fired, I never want to see you again!
W: walks out all flushed and teary eyed
L: (obviously pleased) now about that double malt old chap
M: (sets down a glass of whiskey on the table) Here you go sir, and if there is anything else I can do for you please do not hesitate to contact me.
The End

And the moral of the story is, two birds in the hand are worth shit, get a job bum!

Vault:

Man rapes prostitute, gets charged with theft. Badish Boom!

Urban Dictionary Definition of the now

I was on the fence about posting this one, but then I looked at my first few posts in this blog and decided fuck it. If you are under 18 there is no porn here, go elsewhere.

"Skullbag:
On the rare occurance that one meets a female with a glass eye, one must proceed to initate this process. When a male skullfucks a female while teabagging her at the same time. Thought to be a myth/legend, but a few reported incidents give us all hope. Level of awesomeness: Impossible to measure."

Thank you Urban Dictionary for that wonderful definition. Just when I thought I had dug up the deepest recesses of the internet, I am again proven that there are still things that can surprise me. Don't bother looking for images, they exist, but they tend to involve necrophilia as well.

That will do internet, that will do.


Vault:

T R I B U (T) E . B E I R U T

Jeanne D'arc Street, Hamra Beirut. March 2010

Sweet Disposition

Never too soon

Oh reckless abandon
Like no one's watching you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our bloods still young
It's so young, it runs

Won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to surrender

Sanayeh, Beirut. March 2010

Songs of desperation

I played them for you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our blood's still young
It's so young, it runs

Won't stop til it's over

Won't stop to surrender

Lyrics from Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap
Pitcutres by Yasmina

Bom Yeoreum Gaeul Gyeoul Geurigo Bom

SPRING
Cambridge, England. May 2009

Master, there is a stone on my back.
Please take it off

Does it torment you?

Yes, Master

Didn't you also do it to the fish?

Yes, Master

Didn't you also do it to the frog?

Yes, Master

Didn't you also do it to the snake?

Yes, Master

Stand up!
Walk around!

I can't walk, it's too heavy

How do you think the fish,
the frog and the snake endured it?

It was wrong to do it

Go and find all the animals
and release them from the stones
Then I will release you too

But if any of the animals, the fish,
the frog or the snake is dead,
you will carry the stone in your heart
for the rest of your life


SUMMER
Bologna, Lebanon. July 2009

Strange
When I can't see you,
I go insane
What is wrong with me?


Lust awakens the desire to possess.
And that awakens the intent to murder

FALL
Syria. September 2009

Leave alone, Master.
Can you not see that I am suffering?

What causes you to suffer?

My only sin was to love
I wanted nothing except her

So?

She went with another man

Ah, that was it

How can that be?
She said that she'd love only me

And then?

I couldn't bear it any more

Didn't you know beforehand
how the world of men is?

Sometimes we have to
let go of things we like
What you like,
others will also like!
Young Fool!
Though you can so easily kill,
you yourself cannot be easily killed

Carve out all of
these characters with the knife
And while you cut out each one,
drive out the anger from your heart


WINTER
Joun, Lebanon. November 2009

and SPRING...
Jeddayel, Lebanon. March 2010

Text from the script of "Bom Yeoreum Gaeul Gyeoul Geurigo Bom" by Kim Ki-Duk.
Pictures by Yasmina.

Garbage Glorious Garbage

Little known fact, when Maxime Chaya became the first Lebanese person to climb Mt. Everest  he wasn't the first thing there that was from Lebanon. Upon reaching the summit Chaaya was confronted by an angry box of Sanita tissues taunting him and saying "sarli natir sneen ya zalami!" The tissue box proceeded to rape Chaya with a dildo made from glass Almaza bottles.

Pure Horror

Trash is nothing new to Lebanon, our forests have more bullet cartridges than the lobby scene in the matrix, and more water bottles than.. something that has a lot of water bottles, but some items seem to be everywhere and have no reasonable explanation for how they ended up there.

Thankfully white trash is not one of them

How many of you have been off hiking in some far of distant place in Lebanon and just when you thought you were as far from humanity as you could get you come across a bottle of wine, a condom and a sheep's head?

The introduction to this article is too rapey, here is a  picture of a cute puppy

It always amazes me that you always find the same bizarre shit over and over again wherever you go in the Lebanese countryside. so here is a list of the top inexplicable items of garbage that can be found in Lebanon.


4.Tighty Whities:

Thanks gayhereandnow!

There you are minding your own business trying to dump a body where no one can see it when something suddenly attacks your leg. You look down and stuck to your ankles is a pair of white underwear (underwear is generally referred to as a pair, I don't make the rules.). Why is it that wherever I seem to go in Lebanon people have either just started or finished an epic orgy. I don't even understand how you can forget something like that. The only explanation I can think of is that somewhere out there right now, is a scared/deranged ,man/woman running around butt naked in the wilderness!



3.Sofas:

You may be surprised to know this, but an entire 10% of Lebanese trash in the wild is made up of comfortable seating for four.(in other news the amount of made up statistics in this post just shot up 100%). It's weird how whenever I'm out pulling my body up the Lebanese hill sides and I suddenly have an urge to take a seat, a Sofa will manifest itself for me to set my ass on it. Though generally the condition of the couch will be such that I opt to keep walking, preferably the fuck away from it, these things are literally infesting the hills. What's sad is that those couches have probably seen more sex than I have.

Ok! definitely have seen more sex than I have

2.Truck Wheels:

On one trip up Naher Brahim, we had passed quite a good distance up river, when we reached a place where the water became a placid blue, where you felt like nature remained untouched, where there was a small clearing and the sun shone through to a natural pool, and right in the middle of it all was a big ass wheel. It's like everywhere I go in this country I can't get away from motherfucking wheels. Sometimes I feel like it's the same wheel following me whenever I leave my house, I am now terrified to walk the streets at night because that fucking wheel might run me over at every fucking corner! I don't understand what the hell do you want!

 Avenge me!

1.Shoe Soles:

I'm a guy who goes out a lot, this being because I love the outdoors and not because my parents dragged me along on their trips.

Admittedly the boobies were what kept me returning.

And wherever I go there is always at least one, if not multiple, old shoe soles lying on the ground. I mean how many lost shoes are there out there?! How did they get there and who do they all belong to? Is it some weird cult that sacrifice shoe soles to appease an almighty moon-god? I don't know.


Vault:

New* Lukewarm's One line Movie Reviews!

Seeing as I've been away for a while. I decided that I needed to pretend like I had a good reason for my absence. So I'm going to say that I was thinking of this new post theme for the blog all this time, and not share the fact that I was sleeping for a week and that I just copied it the idea from this website and infused it with style.

Bazella W Riz Present!

Lukewarm's One Line Movie Review:

Into the Wild:

**Spoiler**


Man goes on life changing trip to Alaska, dies there.


THE END!! YEAAAAAAAAH


Vault:

Also the skn on your elbow is called the weenus.

Crest 3d!

Back up, Back the hell up!

Is that some Crest Super 3D whitening?!

 

Fucktits shit it is!

Just look at this suave motherfucker. Look at it!

You know you want to buy the fuck out of that shit!

It's white and red and makes you smell like Jesus H Christ!

Look at that ergonomic design, I know you wanna spread this shit all over your toothbrush!

You can fucking squeeze it in the middle or at the tip it don't care. Hell you can even place it on its head when you're done.

Sweet mother of fuck! 3D! That is Freshness that crosses the space time continuum. This shit is so awesome you could go back in time and fuck yourself in the ass for this tooth brushing experience. GOD DAMN!.

Vault:

SPRING IS HERE!

Spring is here, the weather is awesome, the sea is blue and everything is going great!
We can finally stop looking at that gloomy blue page :D
Hope you all like our new colors!

Enjoy

Presenting the worlds first singing robot!

Wait for it to load I promise it is good.
Also from now on whenever you think of this song you must check this blog.

Vault:

A month in pictures and words

Paris is Ugly in Winter.

Notre Dame de Paris, February 2010

I'm late. Relatively to Charles Garnier

Boulevard de L'Opera, Paris, February 2010.

Red is beautiful. I don't hate it anymore.

Opera Garnier, Paris, February 2010.

The marriage of Old and New is often made through glass. Architects should not be afraid.

Pyramide du Louvre, Paris, February 2010.

I prefer ruins to monuments.

Tour Eiffel, vue du Trocadero, Paris, February 2010.

Families are awesome. Some more than others.

Rhone, Lyon, February 2010.

Bouchon Lyonnais, February 2010.

Red tiles make all the difference.

Lyon

Beauty is Truth, Truth is beauty. Beauty is mobile.

Contemporary Beauty
Parc de la Villette, Bernard Tschumi, Paris, February 2010.

Ancient beauty
Nike of Samothrace (Victory) at the Louvre, Paris, February 2010.

Italy is as disordered as Beirut. Mediteraneans :)

Duomo, Milan, February 2010.

Repetition creates difference. Sometimes.

Venice, Italy, February 2010.

There's no place like friendship.

Venice, Italy, February 2010.

Things are always best unexpected.

Canal Grande, Venice, February 2010.

Priorities. I should learn mine.

Barakat Building, Sodeco, Beirut, March 2010.

All photographs by Yasmina Chami.