Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Garbage Glorious Garbage

Little known fact, when Maxime Chaya became the first Lebanese person to climb Mt. Everest  he wasn't the first thing there that was from Lebanon. Upon reaching the summit Chaaya was confronted by an angry box of Sanita tissues taunting him and saying "sarli natir sneen ya zalami!" The tissue box proceeded to rape Chaya with a dildo made from glass Almaza bottles.

Pure Horror

Trash is nothing new to Lebanon, our forests have more bullet cartridges than the lobby scene in the matrix, and more water bottles than.. something that has a lot of water bottles, but some items seem to be everywhere and have no reasonable explanation for how they ended up there.

Thankfully white trash is not one of them

How many of you have been off hiking in some far of distant place in Lebanon and just when you thought you were as far from humanity as you could get you come across a bottle of wine, a condom and a sheep's head?
The introduction to this article is too rapey, here is a  picture of a cute puppy

It always amazes me that you always find the same bizarre shit over and over again wherever you go in the Lebanese countryside. so here is a list of the top inexplicable items of garbage that can be found in Lebanon.

4.Tighty Whities:

There you are minding your own business trying to dump a body where no one can see it when something suddenly attacks your leg. You look down and stuck to your ankles is a pair of white underwear (underwear is generally referred to as a pair, I don't make the rules.). Why is it that wherever I seem to go in Lebanon people have either just started or finished an epic orgy. I don't even understand how you can forget something like that. The only explanation I can think of is that somewhere out there right now, is a scared/deranged ,man/woman running around butt naked in the wilderness!


You may be surprised to know this, but an entire 10% of Lebanese trash in the wild is made up of comfortable seating for four.(in other news the amount of made up statistics in this post just shot up 100%). It's weird how whenever I'm out pulling my body up the Lebanese hill sides and I suddenly have an urge to take a seat, a Sofa will manifest itself for me to set my ass on it. Though generally the condition of the couch will be such that I opt to keep walking, preferably the fuck away from it, these things are literally infesting the hills. What's sad is that those couches have probably seen more sex than I have.
Ok! definitely have seen more sex than I have

2.Truck Wheels:

On one trip up Naher Brahim, we had passed quite a good distance up river, when we reached a place where the water became a placid blue, where you felt like nature remained untouched, where there was a small clearing and the sun shone through to a natural pool, and right in the middle of it all was a big ass wheel. It's like everywhere I go in this country I can't get away from motherfucking wheels. Sometimes I feel like it's the same wheel following me whenever I leave my house, I am now terrified to walk the streets at night because that fucking wheel might run me over at every fucking corner! I don't understand what the hell do you want!
 Avenge me!

1.Shoe Soles:

I'm a guy who goes out a lot, this being because I love the outdoors and not because my parents dragged me along on their trips.
Admittedly the boobies were what kept me returning.

And wherever I go there is always at least one, if not multiple, old shoe soles lying on the ground. I mean how many lost shoes are there out there?! How did they get there and who do they all belong to? Is it some weird cult that sacrifice shoe soles to appease an almighty moon-god? I don't know.



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