Monday, December 07, 2009

The shittiest job in the world

As promised:

You're sitting  in your cubicle doing a 6day 9 hour job inputting the same data over and over again for a menial 2 dollars an hour. You start thinking to yourself that you have the worst job in the world. Well you could in fact be in England wiping some guys butt with your bare hands!

Yes the groom of the stool, or shit boy as he is commonly called, was a member of the royalty who was responsible for wiping the kings ass with his hands. At the time paper was in short order, so the king didn't have the time or money to go about wiping his own butt, getting his silky red robes shit filthy in the process.

What has been seen...

The obvious solution is hiring someone to wipe your ass for you. Now the king faced a dilemma, No one was applying to the job offer he posted on ye old town board. It probably had something to do with the fact that he wrote it with his own feces, but still, the king had to get his ass wiper.

So he sweetened the deal, not only would you be given a warm room and food, you would also become royalty, and not be sexually molested! By fondling his highnesses brown treasures you would become a respectable member of the ruling class, with a not sore anus!

Hot damn, that did the trick, before you knew the king had more shit boys than he knew what to do with, so he started killing the ones with dry hands, warts, and big penises and eventually narrowed them down to a few lucky soft handed bastards!

Maybe lucky is too harsh a word

Still as you can imagine the job had its awkward moments. Like when the king got that sudden bout of diarrhoea or when the not so rare case of Bukake would happen. On an awkwardness scale this job is more awkward than finding out you've been wearing your father's underwear all day, or that you've been using the wrong toothbrush for the last week, but still less awkward than the sobs of a rape victim.

Sadly the position of groom of the stool was abolished in 1589, today we just call him Prince Charles. Heyo!

So there it is, next time you find yourself bitching about how bad you have it open this post, read it, and thank whatever form of artificial life you worship that you are not a human roll of toilet paper.

Vault: not surprisingly, very few tasteful pictures of shit exist on the internet

NB: I first found out about this on, as a rule of thumb however, once three websites have written on a topic it's up for grabs for anyone.


Post a Comment