Everyone in AUB is a fucking Zombie!

You guys have had childhoods yes?

Well every childhood needs a crazy cat-lady. A woman that smells like urine lives alone in a  dark old house, and seems to have forsaken contact with the outside world.Just like every other woman in the world, except for one little detail ...

This one's house is filled with at least 30 cats at any given time, all of whom she has given names, personalities, moods, habits, and sometimes ridiculous outfits.

It's a little known fact but even the cats are scared shitless of this woman.

I'll do whatever you want but please no more furry orgies

Well science has shown that this lady's creepy, behaviour is not her fault!

There's no excuse for those horrible pants though

Turns out all cats carry a parasite called Toxoplasma Gondii. This thing sits in the cat's stomach harmlessly waiting untill the cat poops. When it does, it releases like spores or some shit and infects any mammals who happen to inhale or eat it. As a result this thing has a much higher incidence in the shit eating community, just like herpes!

So what does this parasite do?

Well, when rats eat it, the parasite releases chemicals that  fuck with the rat's brain and causes it to stop fearing Cats. Instead the rat runs straight up to the cat and yells "Fuck you" over and over.

On the upside the rats seem to enjoy the whole experience

Naturally cats don't understand rat speak so all they hear is the delicious squeaking of dinner.

But if this is what it does to rodents, what does it do to humans?

"Research on Toxoplasma gondii, a cat parasite, suggests that chronic infection causes subtle behavioral, personality, and psychological changes in infected people."

Don't be fooled by the mild mannered terminology of the above sentence. It's merely using science talk so that it won't incite panic driven cat slaughtering rampages. If you translate the above phrase in Google to English it will come out as "Turn into a fucking zombie"

This parasite while handled by our immune system with relative ease seems to cause depression, stress and leads humans to suicidal schizophrenic behaviour.

This revolutionizes our relationship with cats. They are not our pets, they are an infestation! Cat Lady's are not quirky they are fucking INFECTED!

Like this, but scarier

I propose a human and feline purge to drive this malicious disease out of our species. We'll have to round up everyone who's contacted a cat and have them tested and then killed.

Now that's a job opening I'm qualified for!

Vault:

So looks like my updates have gone down to twice a week, but I won't make it official so I can still post up more often if I can. If you own a cat go get yourself checked.