Thursday, October 08, 2009

Lukewarm works on his thesis

Something deep and profound happened to me yesterday.

I was in a meeting with my University advisor, and while we were wrapping up we came to the topic of what my imminent thesis was going to be about.

She asked me a question that made me feel like I was hit over the head with ... like a rock.. or something.

"What are you interested in?"

I was like woah man!  My mind was suddenly filled with things like, dopplegangers, bears fighting mooses meese moose over honey pots, 12 year old Indonesian boy girl prostitutes, a brain preserved without a body, and just who the hell has been putting worms in my digestive system!

But ultimately I told her that I didn't know.

While she went off on how the hell it was possible that after 4 years in a major I havn't come across a single topic I am interested in, I silently had a flashback acid trip.

 Next thing I know I'm aware that somehow I've gotten myself onto the fifth floor of the women's dorms.

I don't really remember what words were exchanged with my advisor but I was in a berserk high, fueled by the smell of female hormones.

At the end of the corridor there was an intense glow coming from one of the doors. A weird music beckoned me to it, I was unable to resist.

I stood face to face with a dull blue sign with the picture of what i can only describe as a Victorian era man with a top hat. The glow is coming from behind the door.

I walk into the Men's room and I'm amazed by what my eyes behold. The most lavish bathroom I have ever seen. A jacuzzi  takes up most of the space and on the side there are three faucets, one for hot water, one for cold water, and one labelled wine. I remember there being a urinal and a toilet but my attention was so focused on the center piece that I do not remember much about them.

I take of all of my clothes set them in a pile on the immaculately clean floor and take my place in the jacuzzi. I turn on the wine faucet and a sparkling red liquid gushes out filling the bath to its rim. The smell of the wine immediately fills the room. As I sit in my therapeutic wine, soaking up the essential alcohol nutrients for my body I  begin to feel relaxed and groggy.

But before I can drift into a stupor induced sleep the ground starts shaking. I'm naturally alarmed at this as it's ruining the wine I'm bathing in. I begin to lift myself from the red pool when a giant hand rips off the roof of the bathroom. All I can catch of the hand was that it was white and discernibly hairy. The shock of the roof being pulled off pushes me back into my wine bath. As I try to regain my balance and get the hell out of the room the hand reaches back in and picks the jacuzzi up while I'm in it. Turns out the hand belongs to God and as he takes gigantic gulps from the now wine glass I slide and fall deep into the darkness that is his internal digestive system. I remember thinking that I hope I give him gas.

Everything is dark, and I feel acute sensory deprivation. I hear a faint thudding noise and the voice of a woman! It's my advisor banging her book on the desk telling me to wake up. Turns out I fainted from the heat, in doing so getting out of the whole thesis discussion!

So let that be a lesson to all of you. Keep your air-conditioning on Winter hasn't started yet!


Also prepare yourself for a surprise either this Monday or the next.


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