Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Why I like PC, because I hate Macs

My campaign to end the tyranny of macintosh began not long ago with random night time excursions in abandoned parking lots. But realizing that reaching (read stabbing) people one at a time was not going to get the message across I have turned to the use of reason. (although it is questionable whether mac users understand the concept). So I bring you the 5 reasons I hate macs.

Reason 1:Gaming
What good are awesome graphics and powerful processors if you can't shoot someone's head and limbs off! More importantly what good is it if I can't drive around in a car looking for Mexican hookers to bludgeon to death with a baseball bat while they run away screaming and crying, only to have me catch up with them and 5 minutes later to stare at their listless bodies lying in the middle of a giant pool of blood!

Reason 2:Marketing
Marketing for macs is done in an obnoxious way. The whole campaign focuses on how owning a mac turns you into a hip artistic trendy person. All the ads drum it into our heads over and over again. It's the biggest pile of bullturd I've ever seen! The truth is the computer you own is not a reflection of the person you are, and that is the macs entire marketing campaign.
Burns don't it

Reason 3:User base
All the people I know who own a Mac like to shove it down your throat constantly. They are like the newly religious except their great thing isn't the meaning of life, it's a fucking computer. I feel like smashing that flimsy silver piece of shit up against their heads every time they tell me how great and awesome they are because they own a mac, and how it's just soo horrible to be a slave to society, and to lose your individuality. Owning a mac does not make you a good person, bragging about having one just makes you look like a douche.
My my look at all those individuals!

Reason 4:Macs are patronizing
There is a reason why we don't let grandma on the computer anymore. Mainly because she is dead, but also because we know that she's going to delete all our system files. I'll admit, Macs are easier to use, but really do you want to be bragging about a product that exists because you're totally retarded? A PC user is hardened by years of playing with his computers internal organs and as a result is the better and superior human for it, If you don't know that you need to stay away from your system32 files then you don't deserve to hold a mouse. It's been a few years since I last got a virus and it's just pisses me off to see a mac salesperson pitch me with a product based on my ineptitude as a human being!

Reason 5: Gates/Jobs

Bill Gates is was a nerdy talented yet under-appreciated hard working, credit stolen from ugly faced employee of Jobs who was a good looking business savvy elitist tool. You can immediately see who the people's favourite in this showdown is.
Gates was one of the major developers of the first macintosh, he created the entire damn interface for the thing, and when Jobs was done with him he tossed him aside like a used condom. Was Gates going to lie down and take the abuse like he did so many times in High school? Hell No! he developed Microsoft while in the basement of his parents house!(actual facts required) and moved on to dominate Jobs's ass, and conquer the world's operating systems and hearts simultaneously! Yeah! Score 1 for the nerd squad!
Way to go Billy!

Sure Windows has consistency problems and can get a little frustrating but every time we watch Bill Gates hire a hooker to rub her body with microprocessors we're doing it with him! He represents all of us computer users and seeing him shoot to success makes the occasional blue screen of death worthwhile. And that is the last word on that!

Vault:I suggest looking at the related videos as  well


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