Thursday, September 10, 2009

Maybe She's born with it

Do you ever feel like that morning cup of extra strong coffee just isn't enough?
Do you suffer from less than perfect looks because of your demanding late night eat/binge cycle?
Do you feel envy when your husband looks longingly in your 11 year old daughter's sparkling eyes?
Well looks like the good folks at Garnier have just the thing for you!

The latest advance in cosmetic products has arrived! Caffeine in your eyeballs!

Oh yeah! That's the stuff

Let's listen to what the company has to say about the product:
"Our first-ever roll-on to hydrate, cool & refresh tired-looking eyes.
Enriched with Caffeine, the roll-on is a handbag must-have, great for on-the-go women. The cooling moisturiser contains Caffeine and Pro-vitamin B5 for a bright eyed look!"

Amazing isn't it. Now you don't have to wait for that pesky digestion to kick in before you get your caffeine. Bypassing your stomach, you can now apply the caffeine directly where you need it most, and without all those pesky calories!

Years of research and science have yielded the hottest thing since the Garnier Pimple Pen! This caffeine eyeroll pushes the envelope on beauty, making sure that the next generation will be even more self centered and self concious than the one that came before it!

He isn't wearing a labcoat because he's black!

We at Garnier are all about bringing you, the customer, the best in debilitating and crippling social anxieties, and we do it because we care!

Let's look at some of the feedback from our satisfied customers:

Lydia Brown: "before using Garnier Eyeroll, I could never look my customers in the eye, but now knowing that someone's got my back, I can give head with eye contact for hours before I lose that sparkling shine!"

Boelyn Factor: " Being a fashion conscious mother I never seem to have time to look good. Garnier Eyeroll has really helped me keep myself presentable when time seems to be short. What between cooking, cleaning, and having an affair I just don't know how I survived without it!"

Sarah Newman: " Once you realize that seeing the world in colour is totally overrated Garnier Eyeliner will help you look good for any situation"

Maria Jones: "Oh God it burns! Stop the pain! Please stop! xczbjsvd"

Joseph Fritzl: " before I just couldn't keep my hands off my teen daughter, but ever since my wife started using Garnier Eyeroll I havn't gone to the basement once!"

The company is also in the process of releasing an entire line of caffeine related merchandise, including, caffeine anal bleach, and caffeine deodorant!

Bazella W riz would like to commend the efforts of Garnier for making the world a more beautiful place for our children!

The Vault:


Yasmina said...

"I havent gone to the basement once" HAHAHAHA
akh tut, are you secretly wishing garnier will read the post and hire you for your out-of-the-ordinary marketing skills? =D

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