Monday, September 21, 2009

You know what really clips my begonias!

When people think that just because I'm young and opinionated I must be rebellious.

The below stories are based on true events.
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The Year is 1998:

R: So you're saying you don't believe in God at all
(L)uke: No, not really. I've given it some thought and the whole idea isn't very convincing.
R: that's interesting, but I think it's a bit stupid,  you know thinking that you can go against thousands of years of tradition. It won't make you cool if that's what you're thinking.
L:  Yeah but I grew up in a way where God, was treated just as Zeus and Baal, and when you put them next to each other, they don't really look that different.
R: Ah what do you know, you still have a lot left to live, I know many people who were Atheists when they were young and changed their minds as they grew older.
L: ...


The Year is 2000:

K: So you're an atheist.
L: Uh yeah.
K: Oh man you remind me of my brother.
L: Why is he an atheist.
K: no he is a christian missionary
L: ... (wtf)
K: As a kid he didn't believe in god too.
L: What happened to change his mind.
K: He grew up.


The Year is 2002.

B: So what do you think about god
L: Kind of a big conversation topic for a hair cut
B: I realized you didn't say anything when we talked about this months divine worship ceremony
L: I'm not really into that stuff
B: Why! You know it can be really cathartic.
L: Wow you use such big words for a barber.
B: ...
L: I mean, I just don't really believe in all of that you know
B: Oh so you're in that rebellious phase
L: euh ... yeah sure, just keep those scissors away from my ears.
B: It's ok live it out now you'll come around soon enough.



The year is 2004:

L: Man please don't tell me you've gone religious.
J: Listen I know you don't believe in this stuff but it doesn't mean you can diss on my thing.
L: dude they perform exorcisms! They're just scamming people for money!
J: No way man, how do you explain that I fainted when he hit me with the bible.
L: Man! It's cause he hit you with a bible! Those things are heavy man! Man!
J: Whatever, I know you can't understand it now, but one day you'll have a revelation!
L: whatever, let's not talk about this.


The year is 2006:

S: wow that was a good kiss
L: really! cool
Fwd 5 minutes
S: yeah, I just want you to know I'm really tolerant
L: great
S: yeah I have friends from all different religions
L: it's really good that you do
S: what about you what's your view on other religions
L: well I'm an atheist so it's not really an issue for me, they're all the same.
S: ...
L: euh, why are you crying? (WTF)
S: *sniffling*  I'm sorry I didn't realize ... you don't even believe in God?
L: no
S: oh and I was getting to like you too (all out bawling now)
L: the hell
S: I'm sorry, it's just, I don't think we should go on another date.
L: (Where do I find these people!)


The Year is 2008.

U: so you're still an atheist
L: still? ... yeah
U: Huh I thought you'd grow out of it by now
L: ...
U: It's a bit silly, you're reaching the age when it's kind of immature to be an atheist
L: (WTF!!)


Present

L: Hey are you ok?
F: Oh yes my son, it's just a minor bump.
L: Yeah these roads are pretty slippery *cough* father *cough*
F: Thanks be to the grace of God
L: ... yeah
F: So the car crash claim guy's gonna be a while.
L: just 15 minutes
F: Oh is this yours (holds up cross)
L: No. I don't carry religious icons around.
F: oh that's interesting
L: *sighs* listen ...
F: Why is that my child
L: don't call me that
F: Call you what my son
L: (heads to the trunk of the car, pulls out mandatory baseball bat.)
F: What are you doing there? No! (L Swings on left knee-cap) Noo! (F's speach degenerates into muffled screams of pain)
L: (yelling at nothing in particular) What the hell is wrong with everyone! I'm sick of this shit! I can't take it I tell you!
(L brings bat high above his head and down on the priest)
F: ...(presumed dead)
L: (laughs maniacally) L drags the body to the back seat and leaves into the night.


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It just twists my jock strap seeing these people patronize me like I'm some kind of ADHD patient who's opinions are worth less than zimbabwean currency! People need to Recognize!


Next person to say that my belief in the absence of a God is a symptom of rebellious youth gets to find out where the priest is. You have been warned.


Vault 1: Something fitting







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Best 3 picks:







 



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